Love Like Ghosts - Band of Brothers

Chapter 10

EINDHOVEN, HOLLAND
September, 1944

Ronald Speirs had two problems: he couldn't be in the front lines and he certainly couldn't keep an eye on Josephine. Easy Company was always upfront, hardly ever missing any action, and at first Lieutenant Speirs was jealous but then he grew to be frustrated.

All in all, the young combat nurse was driven to extremes that even the rest of the paratroopers wouldn't be able to face. The quickness of the decision to throw Jo out there was troubling to the lieutenant. Not that he questioned her ability, she already had most of the men doing just that, but instead it was guilt. But what could Ronald Speirs be guilty about? Not one ounce of emotion had been poured into this damn war for him, so why on Earth would it start now? The only answer that he could draw up was the image of Josephine dancing that one night back in Georgia. The image that had flashed its way into every restless night that he had.

He only wondered where she was now.

--

Her jaw clenched and she covered her ears at the mortar blast that shook the building right next to her. Then she felt someone grab her arm and drag her in the other direction as bricks rained down from above.

"Fall back!" The trooper ordered to her.

But Jo watched with wide eyes as a bullet lodged itself into his neck, a gust of blood spewing out and onto her face.

She immediately dropped to her knees and tried to assess the damage, yet the sound of gurgling  clouded her senses. Her shaky hand pressed against the trooper's windpipe and she began to pull out some bandages and pack them onto it.

"Find cover!" Another trooper screamed as he ran past the two, retreating.

Jo looked up and noticed that a German operated tank made its way in her direction. She hissed under her breath as she tried to drag the soldier with all of her might. Jo plopped him down behind another building and looked down to him again.

Her breath hitched as she noted his stilled movements and his glassy eyes. He was gone. She knew that now.

Grabbing her medic bag with white knuckles, she prepared her mind to face the inevitable. She would have to run out into the open to get back to the road where the rest of the battalion was.

"Fuck it." The nurse whispered to herself and pushed up from off of the ground, whizzing through the town of Eindhoven. There definitely were bullets flying all around her as she ran, but the only thing Jo could do was ignore them and focus on her destination. Her safe destination.

"Get down!" Malarkey yelled at the girl.

Jo wasted no time to do as he said and jumped down into the shallow valley of grass. She crawled with the help of her elbows as she crouched. It was almost as if she was dragging herself as close to the ground as possible, fearing the worst if even one hair stuck up into German sights.

Jo reminded herself that the trucks were only a couple yards away, so she could persevere. But then, she thought of the dead soldier who laid in her arms. His last words were to her, an order. Her heart felt heavy as she remembered how much of his blood got all over her. Yet, she pulled herself out of the trench and sprinted behind the cover of the military trucks, heaving relieved breaths.

--

Josephine sat cross legged as she tore off a piece of the military ration bread and chewed on it.

"This shit has no flavor." Luz scoffed, talking with his mouth full of the food.

"Maybe if you weren't so focused on speaking while its in your mouth, it would taste better." Perconte deadpanned.

Luz, in response, shoved some more into his mouth and purposely chewed obnoxiously.

"Stop acting like children." Jo quipped, kicking Luz in the shin.

He sat back with a smug look on his face.

"What's got your knickers twisted, huh?" The trooper chuckled.

Perconte and some nearby soldiers laughed at the question.

"None of your damn business, George." She spat at him.

The group made a low 'ooh' sound and looked to Luz to see his reaction.

His eyes widened at the girl's language, feeling like a stranger in her eyes.

" 'S just that you never act like this, Jo." Luz shrugged. "You're behaving like-"

Josephine huffed out a breath of air and walked away from the men, trying to find another place to eat in peace. Preferably alone.

There was an empty lot of grass and plenty of silence for the girl to make do. Without sparing a glance behind her to see the rest of the men, she sat down and finished her meal.

Jo looked down at her hands, there was still blood gathered under her fingernails, no matter how hard she had scrubbed earlier. Thank god she didn't have a mirror, so she wouldn't have to see her reflection, as she was sure that it was just as bad as her hands. From all of that time, being away from home, surrounded by all men, and death, and anguish- Jo felt herself slipping away. Her dreams were gone, replaced by a murky and uncomfortable montage of smoke and blood each night. Her bones ached. Her smile was gone. Henri was gone. And she missed him miserably.

It was so difficult to find the everlasting motivation she needed. One moment, she felt like she was on top of the world, fulfilled from the actions of helping others. The other, she felt like she still wasn't meant to be there, like how Sobel had regarded her, even her mother in the beginning. Before Jo could realize it, a tear had slipped down her cheek.

Suddenly, from out in the distance, gunfire echoed in the night. There it was again.

The girl angrily wiped away her tear, her cheek turning pink and raw from her harsh movement. It made her frustrated to be like this. Having to deal with her emotional turmoil like that during a war- a fucking war for christ's sake. There was far worse peril than her small tears that escaped then. Josephine shivered in the cold, wrapping her arms around herself.

Her eyes trailed back down to her hands again. If she surrendered herself, her humanity and judgement, to indifference, how could she help anyone? Maybe it would help her function as a soldier better, to be cold and go through the motions. To not care about herself or internalize anything. Yet, how cruel would that be? Everything this world was built upon now was death, greed, selfishness. If she gave up on her will power, there would be no war to fight anymore. No more people to help. She would be just like every other SS soldier, monster, corrupted politician, etc that painted this world red.

No, Josephine could not let that happen.

So, instead she let her tears fall again.

Then, she could feel something to not have to rip out another part of herself ever again.

--