angus thongs and perfect snogging (Dave the laugh)

PART TWO- first day back at school

*Georgia's pov*

Georgia, what are you doing?

You'll be late for your first day
back at school.

I'm coming.

- Georgia, Mummy wants you.
- Libby.

Oh, flip, flipper and flipping hell!

Excusez-moi. C'est trés grotesque.

If you don't mind?

Oi! Cheeky.

Libby, stop putting Angus in the fridge.

What do you want
for breakfast, munchkin?

Stuffed olive?

Just because I did something so beyond
the Valley of Sad City last night

it doesn't give you the right,
as my parents, to humiliate me further.

Today is the first day of my life
as the new Georgia.

And who is she, my little elf?

She's not an "elf". Not a munchkin.

She is a mature, sophisticated woman
called Ms Georgia Nicolson.

So, to celebrate the new me,

I've decided what I want to do
for my birthday party this year.

I want a proper party in a club,
with a D.J.

You're not old enough to get into a club,
never mind hire one out for a party.

If you haven't noticed, I'm a woman now.

I wear a bra!

Bob.

Are you really trying to
damage me permanently?

There's no way that you are having
a party in a club

where there's drinking,
and it's full of randy men.

What sort of parents
do you think we are?

- Do you really want me to answer that?
- That's enough, missy.

- Why would we damage you?
- We made you.

Honestly, Georgia, this attitude is...

Welcome to the tragic universe
that is my sad life.

Why? I'll give you
five major reasons why.

Number one,
my parents are from the Stone Age.

- No us, no you.
- God knows what you'd do.

- You understand? You wouldn't exist.
- Yeah.

Number two, they hate me having a life
'cause theirs are practically over

and mine's just starting.

- And it's not good enough.
- Honestly. Every year it's...

- Number three.
...a performance...

My little sister's bonkers. Poor Angus
will need even more therapy than me.

- A lot of trouble!
...because of your fifteenth birthday...

- Number four...
...it's not good enough.

- ... my nose is the size of Jupiter.
...so ungrateful.

- I need to go into an ugly home.
- Georgia,

what have you gone and done now?

How did you manage
to pluck them all so quickly?

You haven't, have you?

Oh, crikey. Bob, she shaved them.

Number five, I'll never get a boyfriend.

What's the hurry
with growing up so fast?

Why don't you just enjoy being 14?

Enjoy being 14? How twisted is that?

And if home isn't mental enough,

I have to spend all day at this loony bin,
or as some people call it, school.

Sometimes I think Jas and I are
the only normal people here.

There's Dave the Laugh. Rosey boyfriends

- Why do they even call him that?
- Okay, now get this one.

How did rosey fall in love with his
Boys are such a mystery.

- Yeah, how was that?
- Oi, Nicolson! Watch it.

The Bummer Twins
are the school bullies.

- Twice as mean.
- What?

Twice as mingy.

Lindsay "Slag" Marling
from the year above.

She really is Miss Slag of the Century.

And where did she get
those bazoomas?

How did they grow that fast?

Two minutes to lessons, children.

Let's not start the term
with a detention, Nicolson.

Our headmistress, Slim,
likes to oppress me,

'cause I caught her once
with her skirt in her knickers.

I laughed so much I nearly fainted.

*if you have watched the film you will know that she says some stuff in her head*