A journey towards upsc

socialization

I am very shy and reticent about my personal life. I always explore the way to be social. Sometimes I feel that after clearing upsc , would I be mix with society. Although the life without much intervention of society, is best. But in society one should be express and convince other about one's viewpoint,
Is very necessary. My parents also suggest me to socialize in a limited manner.

Although I have friends who always stand at every moment. They share their grievances and experience. I have lost so many friends in my journey of life. During upsc journey we are talking very less. They are also more concern about their life. Sometimes I remember my old day and try to explore happiness from there . From very shy to social at some extent, from calm and serious to abusing in every sentence, from no love to make everyone bhabhi(love partner) without her consent, from genuine to become attitudinal without having any power, from being specific to become general, friend is everywhere. I think friend are responsible for 40 percent of habit of  common man's life. Friend circle is very important for smoothness in life and having motivation for dream.

At the youth, we all dreams of having a life partner. Although I have not because, to make partner is more difficult than clearing upsc for me. My friends have always magnificent idea but problem is that , they are also single. But to manage relationship with upsc is one of difficult task. Sometimes I feel that relationship will enrich my life because I have to only focus on study then. But to listen the experience of couple like their problems, mistrust, lose of privacy, mental harrasment. I think single life is blessing for us.

Society is like a umbrella for individual. It protect the culture of one'. It's very important to recognise yourself as part of your own culture. Today in world of Westernisation people feel inferior to show their culture and feel superior by accepting the western culture. Although society have some flaws.I am happy to have a resident in villages. Here people are more concern about their culture and always applause the one hard work towards his dream. They always smile during talking. People come to home during any critical situation to console. Grandfather or old people explain you about the importance of nature and they oppose the beating of any animal. They motivate other members of society by telling the story of Ramayan and Mahabharat. They also sing couplet and Bhajan. So sometimes when I feel depressed i prefer to go to my grandparents, their way to terminate the anxiety is more effective than other members. When any old man meet
me outside,He first ask"beto tum Sonu ke ladke ho na " having some excitement on the face. So I guess I am more familiar with old member. Grandparents is very responsible for generations of manner and culture in kids. Sometimes when I get angry so they also cool down me.

Sometimes my parents get worry that how would i survive on any new place.my relative play a important role in depressing my parents. According to them the knowledge of every work defines your intelligence. One should know every place in one's vicinity, to be experience in household work, to perform every action in marriage or other function and very talkative. After passing all this stage, relative will provide certificate of intelligent. But i guess they estimate one value on the basis of multiple factor. Multi talented is more favourable than studious boy. Although i have some experience in most of work but they rejected to accept me as intelligent because of shyness.

I feel uncomfortable with new people. I generally give more respect or ignore them. For beginning conversation i prefer to have some background knowledge about that person. As junior i dont want to ask first. If anyone introduced them so it becomes little easy for me to accelerate the conversation. Generally i use hinglish (Hindi+English), so that they consider me as civilised and educated. I love bhojpuri language but social stigma make me feel uneducated from using the bhojpuri language. Sometimes I feel sorry for destroying my local language and using Western language to show my literacy. Bhojpuri language represent the culture of up and Bihar. The ability to express the emotions, bhakti, social problems, and culture is far better than other languages. Old generation cinema utilises the real potential of bhojpuri language along with culture. Nowadays Bhojpuri language become a sign of vulgarity by so called modern cinema.

Nowadays MLM come in markets. I just amaze to see that how they are selling froud products with such high confidence. I also attend one seminar due to frequent request from my friend. They don't sell products but they are selling hope, dream to people. My friend invite me for to know about entrepreneurship and business. First he convince me that I am poor and second I will going to suffer from a lot of disease due to using chemical products (by MNC) and pollution. He ask me about my future income from government job and recommend to have 1 lakh salary for middle class life in upcoming year. Now the only way to solve the problem is to join their group and use there products. I just forget that i go there for business and entrepreneurship idea. Afterthen we meet his master (proper shuit and pant). His way to exaggerated the things is more effective than my friend. He claim to have Mercedes but come with scooter because he doesn't like show off. He again started his lecture which will never going to end. I make excuse of very important work then he opt to leaves us. Although there are enough negative of mlm but the way of talking and convincing of my friends impress me. So mlm help him to get out from shyness. He is now become more social and intermix with society.

I love the nature. So in my free time I generally prefer to spend  time with greenery. Nature is more patience for understanding my problem. It give solution to every question in hidden way. It's depends on perspective of human to decipher the code of nature. Nature work according to some pre-existing laws. Human seek to find that law from his evolve mind. So nature have solution of every problem. I always love to explore new place and try to intermix with nature. It give me satisfaction more than human being. Sometimes I also talk to air, light,sun. They listen me quietly and also share their problems in their own language. Sometimes they express their anger with human being for exploiting and polluting them by high heat and toxic air (difficult to breath). At that point people feel either I am becoming mentally unstable or talking to my love. At one point of time I come from rooftop after walking, my mother with hidden anger and in doubtful manner" beta ab tum bigad rahe ho ,kisse itni der bat karte ho chhat pe ,tumhari aawaz niche Tak aati hai". I am like,"mummy ji I don't have such a fortune ,you need not to worry about that. I am taking to myself because I love it". So here nature is also my best friend.

To be continued.