Understanding Arden [coming soon]

[02]

ii. the aftermath; part 1

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[arden]

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I DIDN'T SLEEP at all the night of the incident. It was around five in the morning and I laid awake on my bed, staring at the ceiling hoping that the cracks in the paint would form a story to distract me from my own.

I was no longer Arden Lane, the bookworm, the girl you depend on to bring liquor at parties, and Jackson Standall's best friend. I didn't know who I was anymore. I didn't understand anything anymore.

Jackson soon figured out that I hadn't broken a bone, but he didn't push me to talk about what happened.

It didn't take long for me to spiral out of control.

For the next two weeks, I had spent most of my time alone and locked inside my room, hoping that people would just forget about me. My parents were beginning to worry. I figured they'd suspect something was different. I didn't even bother to come up with an excuse for them to believe.

Here's the thing, what happened to me did not break me. I am not a mirror that can shatter or a flower that can die. I am a human being, and human beings can heal.

I knew I wouldn't be able to heal alone. I knew that much, but I didn't expect to see Jackson climbing up my balcony. I especially never expected to see him climbing up with a bag of red gummy bears (which were my favorite) and a DVD that read Finding Nemo.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

Jackson handed me the bag of candy and the movie, and hopped onto into my bedroom, "I decided it's been enough solitary confinement for you," he said, "Jesus, it's dark in here."

Jackson sighed, "You've been alone a lot recently. It's not like you."

I tugged down on my sweater, and covered my hands, "I just need some time alone. I'm fine."

"Is that why you made Martin drive you to the hospital?"

I panicked. What if Martin told him what happened? "What?"

"He said you didn't feel good. So what's the problem? What's wrong?" Jackson tossed the DVD into my TV and sat down on the carpet of my room. "You haven't hung out with us or with anyone in a while."

"I just don't feel well. I want to stay home" I told him.

"Just how you don't want to spend time with us?" I didn't say anything back to him. Jackson sighed, "I'm sorry, Arden. We're just not used to seeing you this upset. Or not seeing you at all."

I rested my head against one of my pillows. I couldn't think about anything other than that night, but every time I did, it only made my stomach churn, and my eyes watery. What happened to me was something you'd only expect to happen to you if you were a fictional character in a movie or in a book or something like that.

I never expected it to happen to me.

I hardly talked to anyone, including my parents who I've always been close to, and I hardly eat or sleep. When I do eat, I feel like throwing up, and when I do sleep, I wake up in the middle of the night screaming in fear until my parents show up in my room exhausted and frightened.

"Hey Arden, you okay?" Jackson asked me. I sighed. Jackson turned to face me, "What happened to you at that party, Arden?"

I opened my mouth and I almost told him, but those three words came into my brain and made me shutter. I was raped. I almost said it, but I bit down on my tongue instead.