it's a bad idea right? | g.abrams

24. alone on the beach

Gracie and I lay there for a while, me in her arms, and for the first time in a while I feel okay. One of her hands are playing with my hair, and the other one is holding my hand.

"We should talk, Ems."

"About what?" I sit up, my heart racing. "Are you mad at me?"

"What? No." She says, grabbing my other hand. "I'm worried about you, I know you can handle yourself, but it's okay to need help sometimes, you have me and you have liv and taylor and all your friends. We love you so much and if somethings wrong I need to know so I can help you."

"I'm fine."

"No you aren't." She shakes her head. "I know your probally uncomfortable right now and I'm sorry, I really don't want to make you feel like that but it hurts me when I know your hurting and hurting alone when I'm right here and I can help you."

"You can't help me." I say, my head hanging lowly. "I'm sorry I'm hurting you. I don't want to. I just can't help it I guess.

"Your not hurting me. I know you can't help it."

I choke, the tears starting to fall one by one. "He's always gonna be there. I know. And at some point your gonna get tired of it. And I'm just not doing well right now and it's hard for me to try to fight him off."

"Emma that's what i'm saying, you don't have to do it alone."

"Gracie! Your not listening! This isn't your fault. I'm okay i swear." I start to get up, walking out the door, almost bumping into Taylor and Liv standing in the hallway.

"Are you okay?" They both say, Liv swatting taylor's arm.

"Yeah." I say, passing them and walking down the stairs to the back porch and then onto the beach.

I think they know not to follow me, since i don't hear the door open again.

I never liked the beach. That's why since i've bought a house in the beach, anyone who knows me wondered why. Its peaceful since there's no one here. Its all mine, and i can scream or cry without anone wondering if i'm crazy.

But the thing is I don't scream or cry. I don't know if I should. I don't want to cry, but i'm so mad. I want to punch something but I also want to cry my eyes out. Again, I don't do either. I just sit down, right in the sand, but close enough to the water when the tide comes it it reaches just my foot.

I sit there, reflecting on the last few weeks. This is the kind of feeling the movies talk about. It doesn't feel right. It feels weird. People always talk about their moments of realization, and most of them talk about it feeling the way I do right now.

But I haven't come up with any crazy realization or anything. All I can feel is scared.

I am so fucking scared.

I'm scared of Jackson, and scared of my parents. I'm scared every day, sometimes even to leave my house. I don't want to live in fear, but that's all i've ever felt all my life.

I start to cry, feels like just a reflex at this point.

My head is in my hands, just crying, alone on the beach with the sun starting to slowly set across the sea. I start to cry harder, my breathing quickening up and my hands starting to shake under my chin.

A few minutes later I feel arms wrap around me.

I don't have to look up to know who it is.

"It's okay. I'm right here." I let myself fall into her arms, my head leaning on her shoulder, my tears starting to soak into her tee shirt.

"Gracie." I cry out. "I'm so scared." I whisper. "I don't want to loose you again. But everything's wrong. How did everything turn to such shit?"

"You aren't loosing me. I'm right here, sitting on the beach with you."

I wrap my arm slowly around her waist, and hers around me getting a little tighter. "I'm so sorry." I pull away.

"Stop apologizing."  She holds my face, forcing me to look at her and her wiping the tears off my face with her thumbs. "It is not your fault. You have to believe that. You need to know that It is not your fault."

"I love you." I manage to say before another year starts to trickle down my cheek.

"I love you so much."

"I love you mo-"

"We aren't starting this." She smiles. "I'll always win."

"That's not fair." I smile.

AMELIAS NOTES!!!
prob the shortest chapter in a while but i literally do not know what's gonna happen next.
ALSO
i started to write another gracie fanfic bc i kinda hate this one