i'm not a good friend

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——

R,

You've caused me to fear death and preface the paranoia with I'm not a good friend.

You'd be peeved to know that I've since grown certain that I'm just a bad person all-around; I've even settled with it. And isn't that the ultimate lesson I needed to learn in all of this?

Anyway, Sunset Vista isn't the same, 422 Lenneth Ave is boarded up, and they've renamed the indoor pool at the Rec Center after you and your family. You would hate it. It's all brash and purposely show-y. A jutted strip of gray concrete with bold lettering too easily void of your elaborate charm and colorful humor and unwavering optimism. Shit sucks. And I hate looking at it.

It reminds me of a second gravestone; Here lies our memories and where we first met. And then I begin to feel myself growing more jaded, — in this way — which is why I commit some of this to paper; in the hopes that my deepening misery hasn't yet corrupt how I recall that warm blue June afternoon.

—E

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