I never really ever liked Christmas time, I never believed in Santa and I liked the gifts sure but I never really got it. I think over my life choices as I decorate the tree my bare feet on the plush carpet. today is a good day i mean I was finally let out of the basement my captor left and gave me the task of decorating the Christmas tree, so if I'm correct I've almost been here for a year so far. the thought of being here in this place so long makes me want to vomit, that means I've only got so long until they think I'm dead in a ditch or another country and I turn into a cold case.
I grab the candy cane ornament hard in my hand and it cracks under my hand cutting it deep. I walk to the kitchen seeing its sleek white countertops and its lemony smell brings back memories of when I first arrived bound in a cage like an animal with her. I remember she was here with me when we were cleaned and as soon as we were left to dry in the white room she took the pair of hair scissors and started stabbing herself it was brutal the blood the noise she let out awful sounds first her chest then her arm then her neck then...her eye I screamed in terror and tried to grab the scissors away from her but I wasn't quick enough she took her last ragged breaths in my arms with blood all over my skin I looked at her wounds and screamed and sobbed as she died. finally, the attendant walked in and seemed more upset at the blood on me and washed me again in an ice bath and wanted to take my braids out before another attendant said to leave them in.
I hated sharp things after that even the smallest sight of scissors made me feel like her slick blood was still on my hands still warm, I looked at my hands slick with my blood instead of hers, my palms shouldn't scar as much. I run my hand under the water tap in the sleek silver sink, dry my hands on a washcloth, and walk to the fridge I open it and feel its cool blast of air, see a slab of defrosted meat and two cans of soda water. I remember my grandmother's fridge that was always stocked with soups and food and how there was always something cooking on the stove or a small napkin in the middle of the counter with warm fresh cornbread. I remember her warm hand always holding my cheek and kissing my forehead before and after school. no matter how tall I got even when I reached six foot one, she would always say "let me kiss you before you go down to the bus stop child." Id always lean down and hug her.
