Living for me

Chapter 9: Love

I would be going to school the next day, I was so excited. I'd be able to see my friends again, I'd be able to embrace them, and I'd see Jonathan. The next morning I hurried to the bus. As soon as I walked to the bus stop people hugged me and welcomed me back. It felt nice, I never thought people cared. When we got to the second bus stop I saw my friend Carolina Gonzales get on and stop and see me and practically cry and she yelled my name I stood up and she ran towards me. We hugged and she said she missed me and asked what happened, I said they found my cuts and had to hospitalize me. We talked and talked, I greeted everyone and I got lots of hugs. Soon I saw Gaby and Selena and Raquel and all our friends, we hugged and greeted and I went to my locker, word got by that I was back and I was anxious to see Jonathan. As I went to my locker I saw him around the corner, waiting. He took one look at me and he looked shocked and happy and worried and filled with joy all at the same time. We walked towards eachother and its like everyone moved out of the way. We hugged eachother tightly and I told him I missed him and he said he missed me. We kissed. We kissed like it had been years since we saw eachother. He said it felt like it had been forever since he last saw me. Truth be told, I thought about him a lot. He helped me through the the whole situation in the hospital without even being there.nhe told me my friend had given him the note I made for him and he said he wished he could've helped me sooner. It wasn't his fault and he couldn't have helped but I liked that he cared. Days passed and we were inseparable. Then I started to notice the people he would hang around with. He started to hang with people who claimed to be in gangs. He would often say he was King and it bothered me. A lot. Because they didn't know what it was like to be in that sort of things. They claim they'd kill a person, but if anyone in a real gang so much as talked to them I'm pretty sure they'd piss themselves. It bothered me more and more because he would say I was in it with him. He would say we was proud to be a King and that I would be his Queen. I wanted no part in that, much less have someone be in that and be in a relationship with me and try and drag me into that. It's not that I didn't like Jonathan because I did, it's just I didn't want to be associated with that. So I did what I thought was best. I broke it off. He was so sad and I felt bad but I really didn't want that in my life. Sounds a bit cruel but even if he was in a gang, I had enough experience with gangs to know I wanted to stay as far from it as I could. It was summer again. Turns out a lot of the people I had met there, hadn't been doing as well as I thought. I got several phone calls from their parents, and friends. I lost 3 friends that summer. I felt horrible, I wished I could've helped, I wish I could've been there for them. I wish they didn't hold on to their secrets. I decided I'd trust more, and I wouldn't keep secrets anymore. I didn't want to make the same decision they did. But even as I did trust more, I regretted it. People let me down, people took advantage of the trust I gave them and soon I started to get really picky of who I'd be able to tell my secrets too. I now try my best to let people in more but I'm still really picky of who I trust. I began to think of Carlos again. I couldn't get him off my mind. I wanted to talk to him, but would he talk to me? I decided to go for it. And sure enough he answered. Soon we talked daily and sure enough I knew my heart hadn't forgotten about him. It didn't take long before I realized I still loved him. More than ever. I needed him. We started to hang out again once in a while. Francisco was there with us on some days and I saw Carlos little sister once again. I had fallen in love with his sister, she was adorable. So bubbly and cute. I didn't get to see her as much but when I did I was happy. Gaby and me were hanging out when I asked about him, turns out he had a new crush. He would often let me use his phone and sure enough always there was a message from one contact, he put it as omnoms if I remember well but her name was Jenni. I grew very jealous but I realized he wasn't mine. I couldn't do anything except watch and maybe hope he still had feelings for me. When we'd hang out his phone would buzz and he'd reply. I knew who it was but I didn't say anything. I don't think he even knew that I knew about her. Weeks passed and I couldn't hold it in anymore. I loved him and it was breaking my heart not having him with me. So I told him I liked him. He said he missed me and he was glad we started to talk again. He had completely ignored what I told him. It broke my heart again. But again weeks passed and I told him again. I told him how sorry I was that I broke it off, I explained to him why and I said that if I could take it back I would. He told me he cried that day. He told me he loved me and it broke his heart to read that message. He said he still liked me a lot. That he wasn't able to get over me. That he thought that by talking to someone else he would be able to do it and then we started to talk again and he still liked me. He asked me out and of course I said yes. August 10th, 2013. But even through all the happiness there just had to be more bad news. My cousin in Mexico started to get worse. She had Cancer and they had cut an arm off hoping it would help and go away, but it started to spread. She had a son. He was so little and innocent. He was strong just like his mom. They removed a leg but it kept spreading. There was nothing they could do, and soon our days with her would be more of a miracle. Each day we all worried that it might be her last. She stayed at the hospital and soon she passed away. It was August 11th 2013 when she passed away. She was only 20. I worried about little Gael, how would he react to the death of his mom. My aunt took him in and she started to raise him as if he was her son. I visited last year and gosh he's grown. He's still really little though, and really skinny. He's like his mom. Joyful and loving and goofy and so unique. When I was with him he would sit on my lap on the car rides and he'd fall asleep, when they tried to grab him he'd hold on tightly and he called me his mom. I love him so much and I will do my best to keep him happy even from so far away. There were plenty more bad days that I'd rather not talk about here, but there were plenty of memorable happy days. Like the day we got our first dog, or the day I went to Acapulco, or the years we went to Florida. I have my ups and downs but I still move on. Life's been hard but I've learned to go with the flow. There's one special day I love and will cherish with all my hear is the day me and Carlos kissed. I had told Gaby to record it, I was going to surprise him. Boy was he surprised ._. We had the same lunch period so I went up to him and just as I was less than an inch away from kissing me he told me he didn't want to. I looked at him, I'm guessing he could see the hurt in my eyes because he said he was sorry and he'd make it up to later. I admit I was disappointed and sad but if he wasn't ready then I'd wait. It was the end of the day and I had already forgotten about it, since he had moved he lived close to the school so I walked him home, just as we were leaving he told me he had to tell me something. I looked at him and he was blushing so much. I couldn't help but blush too. He was so cute. He looked scared and I asked what was wrong and he kissed me. On the lips. I swear I could see stars. I swear I felt time stop and all that mattered was him. We pulled apart and ever since then I knew I didn't want anyone else's lips on mine but his. He was all I needed. We've had our ups and downs. Our good and bad. Little and big fights. Points where we want to break up, points where we just need to be together and that's all we need. Times where we can't stand eachother, and times where we just adore eachother. He's handled me through so much. He supports me. He lifts me up. He holds me. We would go through hell and back for eachother. He has been there to support me through my worst, and has been there for the best. He cares so much. We don't give up on eachother even if things get really hard. I get jealous and so does he but we work it out. I make mistakes, a lot of mistakes but he looks past that and o love him for that. He knows my flaws and he still chooses to be with me. I'm a broken mess and he is too but help fix eachother. I know that I'm young, but I can honestly say I love him. What better person than him? He's perfect to me and somehow I'm perfect to him. He is the sun to my moon c: I hope that there are more years together and that maybe one day we become a family c: So that's how I have lived so far c: thank you so much for reading, I'm thinking of writting a story, I'm still deciding on what but I'll update and tell you all soon c: again thanks for reading, like it said in the description, I had to express myself and this helped, so thanks c: