Driving Me Insane

day out

  (A/n this chapter describes snesitive topics like SH and police vieist)

  God, I'm low.
My day is utter shit and I've been awake for 12 minutes. It's like 1pm, and I've only just woke up. I'm wearing a pj top and joggers. My arm is stinging. I can't remember why for the life of me.

  I swing my legs over my bed. considering I have no energy whatsoever I'm doing pretty well. I grab my phone and put my earbuds in.
"Magic dance" by David bowie starts playing.

  Last night starts coming back to me in small flashes. ME i feel like shit and start feeling "the" urge. ME doing literally anything I could think to stop myself. ME reading smthn to trigger me when I was already triggered. ME cutting. ME getting a sense of relief and continuing.

  God I fucked up halfway through I fell asleep now I've got my blood on my white sheets and a blade loose on my bed somewhere. 
 
  A new song is playing now. I don't really recognise it. I put on my slippers and a jumper and go to the bathroom.
Taking off my jumper, I look at my arm to see a crime scene. Sighing, I rinse it under water and hiss slightly as it stings. I finish washing my arm and go back to my room.

  Turning off my music and taking out my earphones, I strip down to my underwear. I rummage through my wardrobe until I find some jeans and a shirt I put them on and look at myself in the mirror. I look like a right gay. Good thing I am. I plait my hair into pigtail fishtails and grap my phone and snap the case back on. I grap my bag slop o  shoes and I'm downstairs and out of the house before my mother can ask where I'm going.

  My music is loud in my ears.
I'm looking out the window of the bus. My knee is bouncing up and down.
The person next to me must think I'm high or something. I have dark circles under my eyes, my lips are cracked, and the obvious knee bouncing.

  The bus is at my stop, and I get out.
I whisper a quiet thanks, and I'm on my way. Walking down the street i look threw show windows looking for something i would like. Its december which means every shop has thse big redicaules christmas displays everywhere. I sigh and roll my eyes.

  I walk into Waterstones and do a quick look around but i head to the YA section as usual.

  I've been looking for an hour now and i haven't  found anything. My phone is ringing i take it out ouf my pocket and look at the caller id
"Mum"
I sigh and hit answer

Mum: where are you
Me: im in town. Where else would i be?
Mum: its getting late you need to come home
Me: chill its only like 2pm
Mum: yeh but its getting dark
Me: fine! I'll be back as soon as possible
Mum: ok. Love you

I mutter "i love you to" and hang up.

  God i hate her "be home by dark" rule
I walk to the bus stop qnd wait.
The bus finally arrives and i get on.
Im listening to some song by nirvana but im not really paying attenion. Im spacing out and thinking about shit.

(Flash back to 3 months ago)

  Im sitting in class reading the bell goes and we all pack up. Im nearly at French - my last lesson for the day - when someone pushes me. I turn around to see Oliver. He'd been bullying me for weeks and i was just sick of it.

"Omfg can you fucking stop! Whats your problem? Im trying to get to French dickhead"

"Aw is litlle baby Darcy sad?"

"Fuck off Oliver"

I walk into class i put my head on the desk and zone out.
The bells ringing and in leaving.
Walking out the school gate. im  waiting for the bus. Im doing my homework. Im wathcing "but in a cheerleader". Its 11pm im bad im cutting im crying im scared and calm all in one. I contact childline i tell them everything. Its 1am and a knock is at the door. I hear my mum get up and answer it. I hear two men enter the houde snd introduce themselves as the police. They ask if i. Here. Im at the top of the stairs looking at them with horror and begging them not to tell. Im i  the bathroom im cutting everyone is asking if im ok if im doing anything to myself. I am but i just lie. I can hear them talking the police telling how they thought i was going to kill myself and how they were just making sure i was safe.

They eventually leave and i go bsck to my room. I cut more and sleep i dont eat the enxt day or the say after i dont eat for a week.

(Flash back ends)

  Im n the buss im nearly home.
I feel a tear run down my cheek, Im  crying. God that visit fucked me up, especialy becuase my mum hasnt even asked for me to see the school councelor.

Im home.

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A/n: hey this was my first chapter and i hope you enjoyed if you found a bit of it to heavy sorry.