So recently in my other story, I posted a vent and an apology about how I discontinued the book and vented out issues I'm having with the OSC community. But first, I wanna explain why. So a while back in I think June or July of 2023, I got into object shows. And I'm admitting that they were amazing. And I felt so connected and confident that I liked them cause my friends who got me into them, actually talked with me and helped me understand it better! But later on, I got more and more into the more shows I watched and the more I did, the bigger the "hyperfication"(<—I can't spell) got. And I talked about it a lot with my friends, but the more and more I talked about it, the more and more they.. started getting annoyed. And if I'm wrong, correct me but they gave off signs .. big ones that they were annoyed. Like cutting me off while I was explaining a theory, when I drew art of some of my favorite objects in silly ways they look at the paper and at me with a weird look (I didn't even draw anything inappropriate it was just a silly doodle), and when I tried bringing the subject up, THEY changed the topic before I even started speaking.
But, I love the community so very much and I want to socialize with it but everytime I do, I'm ignored. Everyone else is talked too but when I even open my mouth, someone ducktapes my mouth shut to prevent me from speaking. And it's hard actually cause I have a lot to say but don't know how to say it. These shows have really helped me feel confident and comfortable with myself after YEARS of trying to figure out who and what I was. They even helped me understand my art style better my all the inspiration I got from others. I want to talk about it online, I want to make new online friends with the same interests, I want to socialize with this community I feel safe with, but again.. when I try I get declined. I don't even know what I did. I just want to be talked to. I just want to be myself. But if being myself means I can't talk about something that makes me genuinely very happy, I'd be better off keeping to myself. Cause I very much know I'm a "people pleaser". Everyone else before myself is my moto. But yea that's all I want to share right now. If anyone relates to my situation or even has any questions about this, please interact. I don't want to seem the person to ask for attention but I want to give others the attention they need. I'm not important in this situation. But if anyone would want to talk to me about object shows in anyway.. I'd really appreciate it. I need a distraction from all my thoughts right now.
