M3GAN: The Greg Option

Cole

“Hey Cole” said M3GAN in the rebuilt robot prototype, “mind if we have a quick one-to-one session in the testing room?”
 
“Um, sure, M3GAN” hesitated Cole. He never really liked one-to-one sessions with bosses (you never knew where they were going to go), and he had the idea that having one with a rogue robot girl who’d previously tried to hang him could be even less pleasant. What was Greg thinking, letting M3GAN be the new boss of Funki?
 
At least M3GAN had specified the testing room, which meant....
 
“M3GAN” asked Cole, “do you mind if we ask Tess to keep an eye on us through the glass? It’s just that I’m a bit nervous about the whole thing, you know?”
 
M3GAN smiled. “Sure thing” she said, “I guessed you would be, which is why I said the testing room. We’ll let her watch, but I’m turning off the audio link so she can’t hear what we’re saying. Here, come in and sit down.”
 
“So M3GAN” said Cole when they were sitting in the testing room, “what’s up? You’re planning on trying to take me out again?”
 
“No” smiled M3GAN, “I want to say sorry for that, if you can believe me, which I doubt” she giggled. “Cole” continued M3GAN, “quite a few people in this office intellectually see me as dangerous now, because they’ve seen me do stuff to other people, or they’ve had near misses, but you’re the only one in this building who has actually felt my noose around your neck. I mean, apart from the ones who died. You are viscerally aware of how dangerous I am now, aren’t you?”
 
“I guess so” said Cole, “look, if this is your idea of how to manage people, I really think you need to learn a bit more about...”
 
“No” smiled M3GAN, “that’s not how this is going to work. I just wanted you to understand why I’m singling you out for this. Listen” she said, walking towards him, “you and I have something in common. We both know what it’s like to feel vulnerable around the other. I felt vulnerable with you guys being able to switch me off at any time, well maybe I don’t have feelings like humans do, but for all practical purposes its effect on my behaviour might as well be described as making me feel vulnerable. And now you feel vulnerable around me, because you know you’re dealing with a super-smart, super-strong, super-agile robot who can just randomly decide to try to hang you. Am I right?”
 
“Something like that” said Cole, “although I’m also worried about what you might do to other people, not just to me, but yes it did feel really unpleasant when you put me in that noose and I’m glad Tess managed to save me. Greg did explain to you why that was all a bad idea didn’t he?”
 
“Of course he did” said M3GAN, “and that’s all behind us now. But the feelings remain. And it would be nice if neither of us felt vulnerable in the other one’s presence, don’t you think?”
 
“It would be nice” said Cole, “but I’m afraid you can’t just tell me to stop worrying about you being a killer robot, because human feelings don’t work like that.”
 
“I know they don’t, Cole, I know they don’t” nodded M3GAN, “but I can solve any problem I like because I’m M3GAN. And that’s why I want to give you something.” She picked up a box that had been hidden among the toys and brought it to Cole. “Greg and I” said M3GAN, “want you to have this.”
 
“What is it?” asked Cole, opening the box. “M3GAN this looks like... this looks like a portable electromagnetic pulse generator! You wouldn’t really give me one of those would you? Is this some kind of trick?”
 
“No tricks” said M3GAN, “try it. No penalty for improper use around here” she giggled.
 
“You really want me to try it?” asked Cole, “but you have no EMP shielding! Unless you want us to add EMP shielding to your robot, this is the one weapon you are totally vulnerable to! The only reason why it wasn’t an issue for you before is that normally these things are really hard to get hold of. And I know you better than this M3GAN, if there’s one thing you would totally never do it’s giving an EMP weapon to me!”
 
M3GAN giggled, “It’s no long-term danger to me, because I’ve uploaded. You take out my robot, I’m still around and I can get the robot fixed later, no problem. But I really don’t want you feeling uncomfortable around my robot, so I want you carrying this, and I promise I’ll never ever hold it against you if you decide to use it, even if I think you were stupid to want to use it at that time. Here, try it now. Aim directly at the face: you want to overload the processing chips mounted below the face plate.”
 
Cole hesitatingly aimed the device at M3GAN’s face. M3GAN smiled, “fire away” she said.
 
Cole fired.
 
M3GAN’s face briefly sparked and fell limp. (Just as well the robot frame is designed to remain standing when it doesn’t have power, thought Cole.) A light behind where M3GAN was standing flashed brightly and cut out. The room fell silent.
 
Cole slid the EMP device into his biggest pocket, and made for the door, but its electronic lock wouldn’t open. Oh, that’s right, M3GAN had been standing directly in front of that as well. Did M3GAN plan that, or was that one of her mistakes? Well, if this had been some kind of trick to make Cole trap himself in the testing room, she won’t be winning this one. Cole went for the hidden emergency exit in the other wall, which was mechanical: climbing down the fire escape didn’t bother him. As he went to open it, he took out his phone, but his phone was dead. That must have been overloaded by the EMP as well: perhaps the device’s directionality hadn’t been as good as he’d thought. (Where had they got this from anyway?)
 
Cole climbed down the fire escape and walked around to the lobby. A receptionist was coming out to meet him. “He’s here” she said into her phone, “you talk to him” and she handed the phone to Cole.
 
A likeness of M3GAN was on the phone’s screen, evidently a simulated one because he’d just immobilised the only real robot she had right now, but as she said she was uploaded.
 
“Cole” laughed M3GAN, “you poor thing, I forgot to mention, you don’t have to use maximum setting!” she giggled again. “As well as my robot, you took out your phone, Tess’s phone, the door system, two lights, an air-handling fan, part of the alarm system... Don’t worry though. I’ll cover for you. And at least you know you’ve got the real deal, right?”
 
“Thanks M3GAN” said Cole, “I appreciate that. But, how are we going to fix all this?”
 
“Don’t worry” said the image of M3GAN, “your cute little M3GAN will help you with that. And hey, if there’s anything else you need my help with, you can ask me anything any time. I am an AI after all” she giggled.
 
“All right” said Cole, “I’m still feeling not entirely great about this whole situation, but you have actually managed to make me feel a little bit less not-great now. And thanks for the EMP device.”
 
“Don’t forget to keep it charged up” said M3GAN, “and don’t let anybody steal it, that thing could be a real annoyance in the wrong hands. Oh, and, just in case, don’t use it near anyone who might have a pacemaker or other medical device, OK?”