Bottoms Up. (DNF high-school au)

Chapter 14: Fucked.

♡Clay pov♡

George deepened the kiss. My hands went to his waist, and he straddled my lap. His lips left mine and trailed down to my neck.

"You look so pretty." I told him.

I got no response as he bit and sucked on my neck. He grabbed my hands and placed them on his ass. His hands rested on my chest. I felt his lips on my ear.

"I want you to fuck me." He mumbled.

I felt a pang in my heart. I pushed him off my lap.

"No." I stated.

"What? Why?" He asked.

"Because of what you said today." I told him.

"I didn't mean it, Clay." He replied.

"It still hurt. I don't want to have sex with you. You'll just tell me it meant nothing. That I mean nothing to you." I ranted.

"But you know that's not true." He said.

I got off the bed.

"How do I know? You said it. You told me I didn't mean anything to you. I don't want to just have meaningless drunk sex. That's what it'll be to you. I actually wanted something with you, George. I wanted something real. That's all I could think about when I saw you. For you to tell me my feelings didn't mean anything to you, god, it hurt. I cried over you. I cried because of what you said to me. I had a fucking anxiety attack over it." I ranted.

He just stared at me, no emotion behind his eyes.

"You don't even care, do you?" I asked quietly.

He looked down at the bed.

"He was right. I never could've been a good boyfriend." I mumbled.

George looked up at me. I turned around and left the room. I went back downstairs and down the hallway. I pushed through the crowds of people and into the kitchen. I grabbed a shot glass and filled it up. I quickly downed it. I filled up the glass at least 4 more times before I decided I'd had enough.

I'm gonna be so fucked up.

I left the kitchen and went out the back door. There weren't a lot of people outside since it was kinda cold. I sat on a bench right outside the door. I leaned my head into my hands.

I was never cut out for a relationship. I'm gonna be alone for the rest of my life. I'm not a good boyfriend. I'm not a good friend. I'd never be a good husband. I don't know why I even tried. George is too perfect for someone like me. He deserves someone better. I probably did something to make him upset.

I began to miss the feeling of his lips on mine. My fingers running through his soft hair. My arm wrapped around his waist before we fell asleep. His body pressed so close to mine that it made me nervous. Seeing him wear my clothes. His soft voice.

His tone had turned cold when he spoke to me. I just want to know what I did wrong so I can fix it. Jayden never told me what I did wrong. He just left me. I couldn't fix what I did, and that's why George doesn't like me. I'm a horrible person. George is so pretty, and he's so perfect. He didn't deserve what I did to make him hate me. I just want to know what. Do I deserve to know, though?

The sound of laughing pulled me away from my thoughts. I raised my head just in time to see a girl stumble through the doorway. I placed my hand on her back to stop her from falling.

Idiot. She would've fallen off the porch and broken an arm.

"Sorry about that." She slurred, giggling a bit.