Beautiful summer

eleven

"I missed you and I cried, but I said I was alright" ~cigarettes after sex

Skylar sat on the futon at John b's house while everyone else sat outside on the decking discussing the royal merchant and the 400 mill they were about to get their hands on. She bit the inside of her cheek as she thought over everything.

She didn't know what she was doing with her life. She didn't know why or how she'd ended up getting involved in the mess the Pogues had created. It was like they were some sort of magnetic force that always pulled her back into their lives. She couldn't leave and when she did she always came back.

Each time she did her heart mended just a little bit more, but then she left again and it all shattered into a million pieces. Skylar Conley knew this wasn't a forever thing, soon she'd be going of to college, marrying some filthy rich Kook and most likely moving over to the mainland where she'd spend her days sat at home looking after her kids while her husband had affairs, spent hours at work or bars, never coming home.

She wished this wasn't her life. She wished her whole life wasn't planned out for her the minute she was born. She wanted options, she wanted fun, she wanted someone that made her heart erupt with excitement every time they came into the room.

It's like Shakespeare always said "I always feel happy. You know why? Because I don't expect anything for anyone. Expectations always hurt. Life is short. So love your life. Be happy and keep smiling. Before you speak, listen. Before you write, think. Before you spend, earn. Before you hurt, feel. Before you hate, love. Before you quit, try. Before you die, live."

She lived by that quote but always failed to do the things he said. Sure she kept smiling but she wasn't happy. She listened to people, but people didn't listen to her. She wanted to earn but her parents wouldn't let her. She wanted to feel but she felt nothing because she had nothing to feel for. Everything she once felt for had been taken from her already. The only emotions she felt was hate because she knew love only ever ended up getting you hurt. 'Before you die, live.'

The last line. 'Live.' Something she yearned to do, something she knew she'd never be able to do if she stayed wrapped up in the bubble wrap her parents kept her in. She felt different around the Pogues, she felt as though she was living, she felt wanted and needed, she felt loved, she never felt alone. However when she was with Kooks she never felt any of that. When she was with the Kooks she felt like she was dying instead of living, she felt unwanted not wanted, she felt hated not loved, and she felt alone.

Her body turned to look out the window, she watched as the group of friends all sat laughing with one another, messing around with each other, talking about everything and anything. Her eyes fell on JJ Maybank and her heart erupted.

The 6'0 foot blonde, blue eyed boy sparked an emotion in her that she'd never felt before. She watched as he laughed, as he danced, as he celebrated. Something about seeing him so happy made the girl feel happy as well. That was when he turned around and his eyes briefly caught hers.

Her heart stopped. His heart stopped. It was like they were going back in time. Back in time to last summer when they fell in love. In that moment it was almost as if nothing else mattered but then. Even if they weren't in the same room, the same house, the same universe, only they existed.

It was easy for anyone else to tell they were in love with each other. You could see it in their eyes. The way they looked at each other, the way they stared at each other, it was all there. Their eyes full of admiration, of attraction, of undying feelings for each other. Their eyes twinkled, their eyes are smiling. Even if they didn't say a word about it, there was this invisible thread connecting the two.

Everything around them moved in slow motion and although their eyes only met for that brief moment it felt like an eternity.

To Skylar losing JJ wasn't just painful, it was fucking damaging. It wasn't her sitting down on a couch surrounded by friends as they watched movies, ate food, told jokes and tried to forget him. It was Skylar staying up at 4 in the morning because the thought of him was so fucking strong she couldn't close her eyes without seeing his face. It was swallowing thickly and blinking back tears every time she was in public, the hole in her chest causing her breaths to come out shaky rather than normal. It was laughing at things for no reason as her stomach turned because the urge of falling apart was getting stronger. It was crying at random hours during the day and not wanting to get up of bed. It was erasing their conversations and regretting it because now she couldn't know where they had went wrong. It was downing bottles of vodka or any alcohol she could find to drown out the memories. It fucking hurt, losing JJ had hurt and she wasn't ever able to forget that kind of pain.

For JJ losing Skylar wasn't just painful, it was anger. There were days where all the boy felt for her was anger. Overwhelming anger that he couldn't control. And other times he felt sadness. But he couldn't cry. So he just sat there, numb to the feeling but knowing what he felt, wondering where exactly it was they went wrong, where he went wrong. There were many things he wished he'd said a million times more and words he wished he'd never thought of. He loved her, maybe he still did deep down.

A different feeling for that phrase every day. It was like there was a raging storm in his body constantly fighting whether to hate her or miss her. Neither one being any easier. They brought him pain. A feeling nobody would never seem to understand. Skylar walked away like it was nothing. Like every promise and every 'I love you' uttered from the lips he used to love kissing, meant nothing. And he didn't know what he wanted more some days.

His happiness, his other half, his best friend; back in his life, or to just move on. Maybe it was finally time to let go of her. Even though she had always meant more than the world to him. What hurt the most was choosing to give his all to her. Through thick and thin. Choosing to always be there for her no matter what. Then one day, she just gave up. Didn't even put up a fight. The one thing he never would have done to her she did without hesitation.

I've decided this song is officially JJ and Skylar's song. Also can we get some petition going to put this absolute masterpiece of a song on Spotify🙏

I absolutely adored writing this chapter. It might be one of my favourites to ever write in this fanfic🩷