Maeve's one fleeting high

1. Dinner with family pt. 1

It's a typical October evening. They say October is a month in which fall is at its peak. Leaves swap their majestically vibrant green color for yellow, orange, red and brown. When they fall to the ground you either witness their individual colors blending together or sticking out like a sore thumb. It's up to your brain whether you can distinguish the many shades of those fiery warm colors or not. 

The sea of scattered leaves you catch sight of is the art of nature. With the aid of the wind, the leaves are elegantly gathered in a whirlpool until a perfect coat covers the dull, wet concrete. If one person could capture this phenomenon the best, Monet would undoubtedly conquer the first place.

I've always been fond of fall. In fact, it's my favorite season. It's the only time of year where one can withdraw into their cocoon made out of self-loath and anxiety. Though for me, that said cocoon has never stopped enveloping me, like a warm, tragic sleeping bag. The only difference is that in this time, most humans neither care nor bother to check up on you. 

It's the time of year where your mental health is equal to everyone else's. Everyone's suddenly sad or suffers from a lack of lust for life. It's like an unwritten rule; the moment the leaves start falling, you make your mental issues the main character of your life. In conclusion, you're not deserving of other's pity and attention.

Of course, this is merely my view. A very say and hopeless one at that. I like to think I'm always one step ahead with my mental issues perpetually being the captain in every part of my brain. Persistent depression is what my therapist diagnosed me with. 

It's ironic how common depression has recently become. It's come to a point where it's considered a quirky flaw. You'd think that in this age it wouldn't play a significant role because of unprecedented prosperity and welfare. Yet in lots of neighborhoods there are cases of many depressed people, diagnosed or not. It truly is a sad occurrence.

My mind is having its own thoughts while my body sluggishly navigates towards home. I just finished my shift at the cinema, my workplace. It was a rather long one today as one of my colleagues had called in sick this morning. This has gradually become the norm. At one point my boss started approaching only me to be their substitute. I rarely object because frankly, what else would I be doing with my spare time?

I slowly raise my left wrist and sigh upon seeing the time. It was a few minutes before the clock would hit six. If I fasten my pace I could still make it to dinner. 

Both of my parents share the notion that our family must gather around for dinner every day unless other plans have been made and told in advance. They regard this moment as glue holding our family together. Though frequent complaints have been passed around among us, we still comply because we do recognize the purpose. I'm just lucky they go easy on me with this rule.

As I look around me, I can't help but be surprised at the amount of Christmas lights that have already been put up. Halloween hasn't even taken place and yet there are people celebrating something that basically occurs at the end of the year. Even though I can hear all the complaints regarding early Christmas lights, I myself bear no ill. They're just lights you don't have to pay for. It's at their expense and we get to enjoy the coziness it radiates.

As I turn around the corner, my eyes fall directly upon our house. No Christmas lights up yet. All the lights on the first floor seem to be turned on. Silhouettes of three people inside are seen through the white curtain. The wind in this part of the neighborhood is always more powerful. I can slowly feel my lips getting chapped. I put on the hood over my head and wrap my arms around me. Now I regret wearing a denim jacket instead of my lovely parka. Luckily I opted for a thick hoodie underneath that somehow helps blocking most of the wind.