Maeve's one fleeting high

9. After that day

5 months later

''Are you sure you'll be okay going by yourself?'' mom asks me. A line appeared between her brows.

I grab her hands and gaze into her eyes. I must convince her as best as possible so I don't leave her behind worrying.

''Mom. You know I've changed, right? I would've told you if I didn't want to embark on this trip by myself.''

''Yes, but what if—''

''No what ifs, mom. I care about you and love you a lot. This means that I refuse to lie to you or conceal my true feelings from you. Besides, this trip is something that I have to do alone. You get that, right?''

Mom sighs and wipes away an escaped tear with her handkerchief.

''Oh, I know. I'm just stubborn. I'm loving the new grown up Maeve, really. Just understand that despite that, you're still a small child in my eyes.''

I smile at her endearing words and engulf her in a tight hug. ''I know. I'm sorry if I come off agitated sometimes. I'll work on that.''

I pull back and look into her eyes one more time before striding up to the porch to collect my luggage.

I'm leaving to stay in an apartment in New York for a week. For the last months I'd been torn between two majors at two different colleges. In the end I felt my heart rate increasing when thinking of UCLA as opposed to Yale. For the first time since forever I felt pure determination when making a choice for myself. It became clear to me that healthcare would be the perfect major for me. I'd become a pediatrician to be precise.

It made sense when Mr. Lorde suggested it but I wasn't convinced back then. It was when Gio started pestering me about it. According to him I've always been fond of children and harbor the patience and love to deal with them. He mentioned it a couple of times and one day, when I was eating a sandwich in a café by myself, it dawned on me what a perfect match that'd be. 

He was totally right. I love children. I love making them happy and seeing their bright grins. I'd be contributing to that by taking care of them as a pediatrician. It felt incredibly deliberating to be so certain.

I turn around with one luggage and one backpack thrown over my shoulder and walk back to mom. We were waiting on the taxi who would take me to the airport.

I got accepted into UCLA, which wouldn't have been the case if it wasn't for Mr. Lorde. He helped me write an essay and all the other requirements that come along with college applications. Despite the admission, I'd still like to know what I can expect once I really start in September. So I'll be tagging along with a student for about a week to obtain an accurate perspective.

We could see the taxi driving our way from afar, right on scheduled time. 

Mom gasps at this sight and quickly embraces me again. ''Call me every day. Like you promised me. No! Face time me,'' she sobs into my shoulder. I can't help but let out a few tears myself. ''Mom, of course! I wouldn't be able to shut one eye if I didn't do that.''

After exchanging a few more engaging words, I hand over my luggage to the driver and reluctantly get in the backseat. Mom and I hold eye contact for a few seconds before my eyes drift away to the house behind her. 

It's been my sanctuary for so long. It's provided a safe place for me where I can be my true self and be surrounded with people that I love. Even though I'll return in a week, this somehow feels like a goodbye. A clean page in my life.

I touch the window when the driver starts the car and slowly drives away. I wave at mom and put on a brave face until she's not in sight anymore. I keep watching behind me until we exit the neighborhood. I turn around in my seat in defeat and stare at the headrest in front of me, letting my mind fill up my brain with thoughts.