Healing Love - Jake and Johnnie Story

Chapter 1, Soft Scars

Johnnie's Pov

     I have had many bad days but this past month has been the absolute worst. I've just felt like crap and had no motivation to do anything...even to live. I've had some really bad trauma in the past, including things involving being bullied, my dad, and what people have said about me and to me. Because of this, I have had lots of nightmares and flashbacks recently and it hurts. So... I couldn't help but do this. I was in my bedroom, sitting on my bed, and grabbed a small box from my drawer and held it looking down at it. My hands were now shaking as I slowly opened the box. There they were. (TW SH UPCOMING!!!) Four small shiny razors sitting in there. I took one out and closed the box putting it back in the drawer. I drew it right above my left arm, breath shaky. Why am I doing this? I shouldn't do this..I've been clean for almost three months now...

     All of my thoughts started rushing through my head making me quickly slide the blade down on my arm. It slid down as thick red blood streamed down my arm. It stung bad but I couldn't stop. I angrily slit my arm six more times with tears streaming down my eyes. I finally stopped, my face wet and my arm bloody. I felt a bit better but that lasted for only 2 seconds until it hit. Oh my god...why did I do that!? 

     I got up and ran to the bathroom putting my arm under the rushing sink water. I hissed in pain as the blood was being washed away. The guilt was killing me fast. I went below the sink and grabbed bandages to clean up with. I finished washing the blood off and bandaged my arm. I already had a long sleeve on so I used my sleeve to cover the bandages. 

     Once I made sure that everything was cleaned up, I turned off the light and went into the kitchen. All the lights in the house were already turned off so it matched the mood, which definitely wasn't a happy one. 

     I didn't feel like going back to my room so I just sat in a chair in front of the counter and rested my head down on my arms. I continued to cry silently so I wouldn't wake up my roommate Jake. Honestly, I just want to tell someone. I want someone to know that I'm struggling. I don't want to be alone in this any longer. I'm so sick of feeling this way, I just want to be happy. It hurts the more I keep this secret inside of me.

Jake's Pov

     I still couldn't fall asleep. I was laying on my bed and checked my phone to see that it was 2:38 am. Whatever, I guess I'm already awake so I'll just go get water. I stood up and walked out of my room closing it behind me. It was kind of hard to see since all the lights were off but I made it to the kitchen. I went to walk to the fridge but saw something..or someone..? I realized it was Johnnie.

"Johnnie..? Why are you sleeping out here? Was your bed not comfortable?" I slightly chuckled.

     He didn't look up but mumbled, "Oh..yeah. I guess I just got sick of it," he let out an awkward laugh followed by a few soft sniffles coming down from his head as he laid face down. I stopped chuckling as I noticed he must've been crying. I sat next to him.

"Hey...what's wrong..?"

     He seemed to bury his face deeper covering the sound of his soft cries. "N-Nothing...allergies I guess.." He said unconfidently.

     He was obviously lying and I think he heard it in his voice as well. "Johnnie...you can tell me anything I swear. I won't laugh, ignore you, anything."

     He lifted his head a little so he wasn't faced down anymore, but he was faced away from me to his left.

"I-" His voice broke from tears as he put his head down slightly and sighed. He started again. "I...I haven't felt like myself lately. I just feel like complete and utter crap. It's like the w-whole world is spinning while I'm standing here still stuck in the past."