(Stiles POV)
"Do you ever think about all the people you have in your life?" Derek asked as he rolled over to look at me. I turned my head feeling the grass crunch under my head. It was cold but not snowy which meant no bugs would be in the grass so we sat on a large hill over looking the town, star gazing. "Sometimes. Why?" I answered. He shrugged "sometimes i just sit down and remind my self of all the people in my life. And I go over how much that person would miss me and if there life would be better without me in it." Derek said. I chuckled abit. "Really? Like In a im so greatful way?" I asked with a smirk and he rolled back over on his back. "No." He simply mumbled. I stopped smirking. "In what kinda way?" I asked. "Like... I wonder if you'd be better off if I was dead." He replied. "Well... I wouldn't be. I'd be devastated." I mumbled and looked at the sky. "But would it be better? Does a little bit of pain outweigh years of suffering?" He asked. "Why would I suffer?" I said. "You'd have to live with me and my shit." He said. "I plan on marrying your dumbass and in sickness and health mother fucker." I chuckle but he doesn't. I sit up and lay my head on his chest looking up at him. all I could see was his chin and lips. "Are you depressed?" I asked and he didn't answer. "Derek... hey..." I straddle him and sit up. I see his crying and looking at the stars. "Oh man... what's wrong?" I ask and hug him. He wraps his arms around me. "You'd be so much better off without me..." he cried. "Don't say stupid shit like that." I grumble and kiss his cheek. He continued to cry and hold me close. I rubbed his ears and kiss his head. "Shhh... hey... tell me what's wrong." I whispered in his ear. "Your the first person to care in a long time... the first person to text me in the morning asking how I slept. You ask me how Im doing and if I'm doing okay through the day. You ask me how I'm feeling and what's wrong... and I haven't had that... and I know I don't do nearly as much for you..." he mumbled through tears. "Derek... you do a lot for me. If it weren't for you id never remember to eat or sleep or take showers or my meds. Your literally keeping me from falling apart, dude. Maybe you don't see it but... I would die if you killed yourself. Your my best friend dude. Scott doesn't even know have the shit I've confessed to you, cause I trust you. And one day I'm gonna be your husband and if I hear this self loathing shit again I'm gonna snap your dick in half. Got it?" I say trying to make him laugh. He kisses my check and tries to hold back tears. "Just let it out man. Only two people who will judge you is me and god and I'm pretty sure god isn't real and I judge you for everything so what's new?" I chuckle and he smirks but continues to cry. "You know I love you right?" I ask and he nods. "Don't you ever forget it. I love you. A lot. And If you killed yourself id kill myself dude." I whisper in his ear. I wipe his tears "why'd you start feeling like this all of the sudden?" I ask and look down at him. "It was uhm... Paiges birthdays few months ago. She would have been 25. And I'm the reason she's dead, and what if I kill you too?" He mumbled. "Her death wasn't your fault. She begged you to kill her. It wasn't your fault. And you're not a teenager anymore Derek and I'm not a 15 year old girl. We're both strong enough to save the other." I explained and he shrugged "it just sucks you know?" He asked and I nod. "It never gets easier. You just get stronger." I mumbled and hold him. He cries into my shoulder and holds onto me. "I love you stiles..." he mumbled into my shoulder. "I love you too Derek..."
