Stranded in the Future

Chapter Thirty-Six: Crash Course

After the stressful business of learning to tie a necktie, Ichiro's frustration grew once more when he failed again and again to use a knife and fork the way Kumiko had shown him.

"I can't do this," Ichiro declared in defeat, letting his utensils fall with a clutter. "You said it wasn't necessary, so there must be other ways to get ahead."

Kumiko gave him a glare of such intensity that he feared she would shoot flames from her eyes, then drew in a deep breath, and appeared to calm down. "You have a point. There's no reason to keep trying when you aren't ready."

Ichiro leaned back against his chair despite knowing that nothing would stop Kumiko if she decided to lash out at him. "So, what else is there for me to learn?"

She sighed. "Small talk, or casual conversation. You'll have to know what's current, so you can answer any question the customers throw at you."

"Throw at me?"

"For example, if I asked you about your favorite song or TV show, you'd have to reply immediately. You can't afford to spend time thinking."

"But I don't have any-"

"That's what I'm saying," Kumiko interjected. "You'll have to figure out for yourself what you like. And not just that. You need to have hobbies and a strong personality too."

Her words came as a jab to Ichiro's pride, and he leaned forward with barely restrained irritation. "Are you saying that I'm dull of character?"

"Not at all," she denied. "You're interesting enough, but you need to be into things other than tea ceremony. Life these days is all about being fast and flashy, especially for the young."

"Oh." Ichiro straightened his back. "How am I supposed to become like that?"

A demonic smile formed on Kumiko's face as she clasped her dainty hands together. "I'll show you the full range of entertainment available these days. Then, we'll go on a tour of Kabukichō where I explain the purpose of each venue."

Ichiro realized from her suggestive tone that she was going to show him degeneracy the likes of which he had never seen before. He quivered in fear at what she would propose next.

"On top of that, I'm going to coach you on every conversation topic I can think of. It'll be difficult with only a week to spare, but we'll try our best. Are you with me?"

"Yes," Ichiro said without hesitation, only to regret his lack of thought when Kumiko raised a hand to her mouth with a giggle.

"I knew you would say that. You've fallen for my trap."

Ichiro opened his eyes wide as a deep sense of betrayal coursed through him. He stood up while keeping his hands firmly planted on the table. "How dare you. You're not supposed to toy with my lack of understanding like this!"

Kumiko's smile faded and her expression became one of remorse. "I'm really sorry, but we'll have to do those things sooner or later. And there's no time like the present."

"Fine." Ichiro exhaled and collapsed into his chair. "I'll go along with your plans. But please don't pull a cruel trick like that again..."

"Of course. I'll be mindful next time."

******

The following week passed by in an exhausting blur.

In addition to taking him on an educational tour as promised, Kumiko also borrowed a collection of cassette tapes from Futoshi and forced him to watch a couple with her each day. The purported movies included a tragic love story in which the heroine died of an unknown illness, an intense epic about a samurai fighting criminals in a world devoid of color, a bizarre comedy in which a giant reptilian monster crushed buildings beneath its feet, an obscene tale of a meek housewife embracing her true nature as a lustful deviant, footage of two men entertaining an audience by arguing for an entire hour, and at last, an utterly surreal and nightmarish spectacle of some young girls meeting their ends in a haunted house.

Ichiro would be questioned about the events of each movie to test his understanding, though Kumiko was lenient when it came to the last one, for not even she could make sense of it all.

They spent another three days practicing the art of conversation, with Kumiko using her shapeshifting abilities to assume a range of personas, from a depressed teenage girl to an aggressive and foul-mouthed old gangster covered in tattoos.

"Was that necessary?" Ichiro asked, falling back against the couch with a pounding heart when Kumiko finally returned to her personable self. "I'm scared for my life now..."

"It's a worst-case scenario," she revealed matter-of-factly. "I'm not saying it will come true, but there's always a chance your boss or one of his associates will be someone shady. Not every host club is reputable."

"Good grief."

"But if it makes you feel better, they'll be more focused on chasing down customers for payment. You won't get into trouble unless there's a serious crisis."

"I certainly hope so." Ichiro tried to relax by putting on a smile. "It seems we've come too far to turn back now."

Kumiko crossed her arms and sighed. "True. We just need to wait for Mrs. Konno to confirm things with us, and we're ready. In the meantime, there's another important thing I should tell you."

"Oh. What is it?"

"Tomorrow is White Day. It's a special day for couples, and men are supposed to buy presents for their girlfriends."

This was news to Ichiro, who found it hard to believe that a day could be devoted to something so commonplace. "You must be joking. What about all the other days? It's not like we've only just met."

Kumiko nudged him in the arm. "You don't understand, so let me explain. Two weeks ago, I gave you some dark chocolate to signify my love. This month, you're supposed to return the favor."

Ichiro remembered the potent sweet that had made his teeth ache. He swallowed. "Do I have to? Can't we just kiss or hug?"

"We could, but my coworkers are starting to ostracize me because they think I'm single. I need tangible proof that I have someone in my life."

"Kumiko, are you all right?" Ichiro whispered. "You're a kitsune. You shouldn't care about what the mortals think."

She rubbed at her eyes and gave a sniff. "I know, but I've been living around humans so long that I feel just like one. Is it wrong to want them to accept me?"

"Of course not." Ichiro remembered that this wasn't the first time Kumiko had expressed such a worry. She'd been just as concerned on their wedding day so many years ago, and it had taken his assurance to put her at ease. "I'll buy you something if you want. Just tell me the place, and I'll go."

Kumiko lowered her hands, revealing that her face was devoid of tears. "There's no need. I've already prepared something in advance."

"What?"

She stood up and hurried out of the living room, returning moments later with a wrapped white parcel. "Here you go. Please hold on to this until tomorrow night. I want you to give it to me after dinner."

Ichiro accepted the parcel just to appease her. "So, did you buy this yourself?"

"Yes, I did."

"And I'm supposed to pretend it was me?"

"Of course. That's the point," Kumiko replied while pressing her hands together with hopeful eyes. "Make my dream come true, please?"

Ichiro placed the parcel down beside him. "Sure, I will. But I can't deny that this is a strange ritual."

"That's the modern world for you. One must do silly things to fit in."

"Indeed." Ichiro nodded, reflecting on the sheer absurdity he'd experienced over the past six days. "I'm so glad things were more straightforward in my time. Everyone knew their place and what was expected of them. There was none of this confusing farce..."

"Ichiro."

"Huh?"

"Stop being nostalgic. The Sengoku period was a shitshow, and you know it."

******

A/N: White Day is celebrated a month after Valentine's Day in Japan. It's common for men to give their girlfriends 'white' presents, whether it be white chocolate, marshmallows, or something else.