Stolen love

Chapter 7

Tossing and turning in my bed.
'Come back to me Sarah.'
Aaughh
'I'll take care of you.'
Uhh
Seeing you, right in front of me holding out your hand.
'I love you.'
Twisting over to my side restless.
'I miss you, Sarah.'
The look in your eyes so vulnerable and broken.
Trapped in my half asleep half awake daze. Not fully in either world, reluctant to release your image.
'I'm coming for you.'
Waking with a start. Hot. Too hot. Seeing that i had kicked my covers off in my sleep though that didn't seem to help. My entire body was drenched in sweat peeling my t-shirt away from my stomach.
That was the first time I dreamed of you here, the first time I've dreamt at all since I've slept in my own bed. The nights feel like nothing but a spacer for the next day.
Hearing your voice again, so clear as if you had been in my room, right next to me. Was it wrong that I wanted you here? That I wanted to reach out and be in your arms?
Wanting something that I could never have.
Wanting something that I shouldn't.
The worst part was I couldn't even talk to my best friend about this to get her opinion. I couldn't talk to anyone. Not without raising suspicion.
Looking over at my clock seeing that it was only one in the morning falling back into bed knowing full well that there was no way I was getting back to sleep. I was too wired.
Placing my feet flat on the floor, the coolness from the tile seeping through the soles sending shivers up my legs. Curling my toes wanting to feel the brush of soft carpet.
Slipping out of bed making sure to be quiet as I opened my door peeking down the hall to make sure that no lights were on.
My parents bedroom door was also shut which I was thankful for as I tiptoed over to the stairs rushing down them on the balls of my feet, turning for the back door.
Chilly air hit me as soon as I slid open the glass door that led to the patio. Passing by the picnic table, flinching when the motion detector light turned on form my movement. Forgetting completely about that hoping that the sudden light wouldn't wake up either of my parents.
Dew from the grass sprayed across my legs as I walked further to the middle of the yard.
Closing my eyes as I took in a deep collecting breath.
Enjoying the open space. Glad that we also had a privacy fence so that none of the neighbors could see me out here.
Rubbing away at the coldness from the biting air as I settled down into the grass leaning back just slightly to stare up at the sky.
The light from the patio was still on my eyes already adjusted to the brightness of the bright led lamp so as I looked up all I could see was just darkness. A black sky that seemed to be endless.
Laying my head back on my left arm, my other draped over my stomach.
Staying there so long that the motion detective lamp had turned off enveloping me in the devoid of light.
Listening as a cricket chirped its little song not too far away, hearing the rolling of tires as people drove down the road but my mind was silent.
No questions swirling around begging for answers, no worries of what was going to happen.
Laying there in my backyard, by myself. I finally felt okay. Actually, ok. For the first time in a very long time.
Even with the knowledge that tomorrow was going to come and I would have to once again deal and put up a front to all the people that I loved. Continuing to lie to them to protect someone that I shouldn't love and to also protect myself from the looks I knew would come if the truth came.
No one would look at me the same anymore. The pity and worry in their eyes would turn to disgust as well as distrust.
No matter how much they cared for me, that information would be too much.
Especially right now when I can see that the relationship between mom and dad is strained. That their love for each other right now is distant.
Dad keeps shutting down any time I ask about work and mom has either been in her studio or in her room.
They both seem relieved to have me home but it's like no one knows how to act around each other right now. As if we are strangers. Which in a way is kind of true. I changed when I was away.
Something that I've come to find out myself everytime will try to channel that innocent girl that was so naive as she walked to her bus stop. As she stepped out of the circle of light that the streetlamp cast down to look up at the stars.
That girl didn't know that bad things could happen to her. That girl lived in a bubble of routines and schoolwork. That girl had never come close to the amount of feeling that i had to juggle in such a short period of time. That girl didnt know you.
But I do.
No matter how hard I try to push you away you always seem to reappear.
It's in the way that a touch feels against my skin, the words that pop into my head that remind me to breathe and that things take time. Hell, I even see you by looking at my fence remembering yours. How much sturdier and well built that it was. Looking at my fence now I can tell that it has lived through a lot of weather, some of the boards were loose and the design was basic.
Yours on the other hand, anyone could tell by looking at it that the person who did the work took their time making sure that it would last and had an abundance of knowledge with tools and design.
That's just how you were. You always put your entire self into a project, giving it your all.
Maybe the same could be said for me.
Another project for you to take pride in.
Even as the thought crossed my mind I immediately dismissed it. Knowing that deep down you longed for someone who truly cared for you. You wanted to feel loved even if you didn't believe that you deserved it.
Letting my eyelids shut. Allowing myself to imagine you laying next to me, hearing your breathing. A rush of calm flowing through my body feeling muscles relax further into the grass.
Losing myself in the fantasy until everything else around vanished leaving only us.
"SARAH! SARAH!"
My name is shouting in the distance. Multiple voices calling out to me though I wanted to escape back into my calm peace. The beautiful place where I'm still half asleep and nothing matters.
"SARAH! Honey I found her outside. In the backyard."
Wiping my eyes annoyed by the intrusion though I could feel the turmoil and need in his words as I groggily sat up. Though I had only made it halfway before I was yanked into a harsh hug that was close to suffocating, arms trapped between the two of us as my dad squeezed me into his chest as if he was trying to fuse our bodies together.
Just about to tell dad to loosen his grip when mom dropped down covering my other side.
"Okay, I can't breathe you guys."
At my words they let go instantly and as soon as I got my bearings and looked over at each of them I could see the tears in my dad's distraught eyes as well as the wet marks slithering down mom's cheeks.
They were scared.
Looking around realizing that I was still outside. I never meant to fall asleep out here and I surely never meant to worry them.
"What are you doing out here honey?" Mom asked as she held my chin turning my head every way that it could turn, checking me over.
Dad was holding onto my arm, his fingers almost wrapping all the way around.
"I woke up in the middle of the night last night." Not sure how I was going to explain being out here until the words came out of my mouth. "I couldn't get back to sleep and I remembered the times when I was little when I would camp out back here so I decided to come outside. I'm sorry. I wasn't planning on falling asleep. I didn't mean to worry y'all i just."
"Kiddo." My dad said cuttin me off. "We were just worried when you weren't in your room. Your mom went in to check on you this morning and."
"I wasn't there." Finishing the sentence for him.
There was so much sorrow radiating from mom that I could feel just how much pain she was in and it was all my fault.
"I'm so sorry. I won't do it again, I promise. I swear I didn't mean to stay out here all night."
"Baby it's ok. You did nothing wrong." Her face betrays her words. "In fact why don't we have a little cookout out here tonight like old times. We could roast marshmallows, make some hotdogs, and play games. We haven't done that in so long. What do you think?"
Looking up at dad who still had my arm in a vice.
Doing this would be fun and I haven't spent much time with both of them together. Not since I first got home anyways, since then one of them always seems to be busy.
This could be just what we need. Some actual family time like before.
Raising my eyebrows still looking at dad. "Alright but one of the games that we play should be charades." Catching a hint of a small playing at the edges of his lips as his features soften.
"You know I can never win that game."
"But it's hilarious watching you try."
"Oh you're on."
This, this was dad. The playful spirit peaking through. Full on smiling down at me as he stands himself holding out both of his hands, one to me and the other to mom helping both of us up at the same time.
Catching a look between both of them as we all walk inside holding hands. The blush in mom's cheeks as her eyes lighten. Dad pulled her in closer, wrapping his arm around her waist as he ruffled the hair on top of my head.
"Alright, who's hungry?" Stopping by the kitchen island as he led us to the stools. "It's still early. How about some eggs and toast with bacon and possibly sausage?"
Walking around, opening the fridge waiting for a decline that never came.
"That sounds delicious, dad."
"What do y'all think, scrambled eggs or sunny side up?"
"Scrambled for me." Mom said.
"Definitely sunny side up for me please."
"Alrighty there's a fifty fifty vote either way the eggs will be safe. Any broken yolks after being cracked open will be scrambled. If there is by chance none that break however, their fates will be decided for them."
Mom's shoulders bouncing beside me as she tries to hold in her laughter from the performance dad is putting on.
Turning my attention back to dad only to realize that he now has a loaf of bread balanced on his head. Angling his neck to keep it in place but only causes the loaf to wobble even more.
"Now onto the bread, shall we do french toast, or shall we do just regular toasted toast?"
"Regular toasted toast mom and I say in unison."
"Now for the piece de resistance." Pulling a box of frozen sausages out of the freezer along with a box of bacon tossing them up into the one at a time catching them surprisingly well as he continuously switches hands juggling the different meats. "Who wants sausage and who wants bacon? Ehh, wrong answer." Not even letting us speak. "The correct choice is both."
By now both of us are cracking up watching him as he continues his act tossing an egg and catching it mid air before bringing it down on the side of the pan.
"Sunny side up on its way, no as for the next one." Pausing as he picked up another egg tossing straight to mom without any heads-up. Her arms flailing out as she hurriedly tries to keep the fragile shell from falling to the floor.
"That wasn't funny." Now that she held the egg in her hand holding it out to dad, he reaches out for it with the biggest smile on his face as I'm laughing uncontrollably at the whole situation.
"Oh you think that's funny." She says chunking the egg directly at me, the exterior cracking as the slime of the yolk inside slides out and runs down the front of my shirt. This time it was her laughter that filled the air as I looked helplessly out at both of them seeing my dad's stunned look and how he was biting down on his lips trying to hide the smile that was taking form. All the while mom is almost falling out of her chair, the stool legs shaking underneath her.
"Oh you asked for it." Jumping down running to the other side of the counter grabbing the crate of eggs. Picking one up only to be surprised by a glob of something cold and wet hitting my cheek reaching up my hand to wipe away the goop pulling away realizing that it was butter. Twisting over to my dad who has the tub of butter open, a spoon in his hand automatically chunking the egg at him then another over at mom which she dodged way too easily.
"Hey!" She yelped as I reloaded on my ammo.
That was all it took for an all out food fight to be abrupt. I was throwing eggs as dad was chunking the butter loaded spoon and mom had gotten the loaf of bread and was balling up the slices before tossing them at either of us.
I was laughing so hard that my vision was blurred and none of my shots hit their target, only making a mess of the walls and floors.
Catching mom staring at dad using that moment to sneak back around the island about to smash an egg right on her head when dad spoke up. "Watch out." She turned eyes wide as she rushed over to him hiding behind him for protection as she wrapped her arms around his waist.
"Don't worry baby. I'll protect you." Just like that it was two on one. Both of them stalked towards me using the egg in my hand hitting dad squarely in the chest. The fragile shell shatters as he makes a scene of falling to the ground as if he was actually hurt.
Clenching at his chest, balling his shirt in his hand.
Looking up into mom's eyes who was holding him up as he looked into her eyes. "It's all on you now baby. Avenge me." Nodding her head as she looked back over at me not seeing that dad's hand was moving quickly to the side of her face. The gulp that was on his shirt now sliding down her cheek. An unexpected yelp escapes her throat as she jumps back leaving dad to fall the rest of the way to the ground, his body convulsing in laughter.
Searching for another egg looking down realizing that I only had one left.
"Here mom." Gently, underhand tossing the egg in her direction which she caught with perfect ease before planting it right onto dads forehead but before she could pull away he grabbed her wrist pulling her in closer reaching his hands into her hair guiding her head down as he kissed her watching as my mom melted into his embrace. The kiss lasted only a few seconds before the kiss broke and he rubbed his forehead onto her making sure to keep his hold on the back of her head so that she couldn't squirm away.
This. This was my parents. With their childish ways of love that equally make me sick but make me want what they have.
The way that they are looking at each other now. The fake outrage in mom's eyes and the pure desire that transformed dad's face.
I'm not sure what's been going on between them, why they've been keeping their distance but right now I'm filled with relief because no matter what it is I know they will work past it.
They wouldn't be looking at each other like that if it was something so detrimental to their relationship.
Me being gone has put strain on everyone that I love. It was going to take time. Maybe things might never be the way they were before.
Maybe that was okay.
My heart tensed a little watching as dad stood up pulling mom closer to his side.
Looking at her how you looked at me.
Rushing forward when he held out his other arm crashing into his open side. As he held mom and me. Closing my eyes as I pressed myself in. Feeling the pull as I felt tears starting to form, gulping them back. Unsure why a wave of sadness just settled over me. Burying myself deeper. Needing this embrace. This familiarity of their touch gave me comfort. Setting my racing heart at ease.