Kill V. Maim

9. Bad Connection, Bad Sercets (p.2)

   Everyone got into their usual circle in the gym during fight club, but this time everyone was sitting down and no one was in the middle throwing punches or kicks at the other person.
   "So we know that the club has been a place where we can feel empowered physically, but we also thought it could be a safe space and a place where we can open up and, talk about our feelings," Josie explained to the girls and Mr G. Mr. G should always be included.
   "Ok, so, who's been raped?" Pj asked like it was the most normal thing ever. (Tbh in our world it probably is, which is not good.) "Just, you know, raise your hand," Nobody did. "Gray area stuff counts too." At that point almost everyone, except Mr.G raised their hands. The whole room went quiet at this point, and Hazel kept catching herself taking little glances at Lilliana. Gorgeous, gorgeous Lilliana.
    "Everyone knows the situation with my stepdad." Sylvie said nervously, rubbing her hands on her legs in a fidgety way. "He's just, obsessed with Friday movie nights. I mean, god, I get it, you're my new stepdad, but...fuck! Whatever! You know?" She sighed like everything was finally off her chest. Stella-Rebecca vented next.
"Every time I call the police about my stalker, they tell me to fill out an online form, and then the form tells me to call, so I call, and then they say they can't get involved until he tries to kill me. And he keeps saying he's going to, but that doesn't count. So it's just like, annoying."
"Been. There." Pj agreed in chill voice, even though there's high chances she hasn't. "We've all been there." Hazel heard Lilliana take a deep breath. She wondered what she had to say.
"When I lived in Texas, it wasn't really the best. My dad was like, super abusive, he even tried to disown my younger brother. School wasn't great either. I mean, most of the time there was shooting threats, bomb threats, rape threats, everything. And my younger brother would come home bruised and bloody, and it was just, so hard to see him like that." Lilliana explained. She was on the verge of tears. She was fidgeting with the rings on her fingers, almost shaking. Hazel felt her heart drop. Holy shit.
"Well I've been assaulted like, a million times," Brittney followed, like she was bragging but also really annoyed. "but I'm more annoyed, that everyone knows me for being beautiful and popular, and no one knows that I'm actually smart and super driven," Her voice became more frustrated. "Like, I literally own a jewelry business and no one talks about it!" The room went quiet, proving Brittney's point. "See!?"
Hazel thought about something in her brain. Should she talk? Well everyone else was talking, so why shouldn't she? Even Lilliana talked. Fuck it. She just let it go.
"Well, ever since my parents' divorce, my mom has been doing this, like, midlife crisis. I don't know how that's really sitting with me, you know? It's been really, really, dark. This has just been really meaningful to me to, like, get to know some people who actually want to, get to know me-"
"I just want to bring bit back to Brittany for one second-"
"I can go next, if that's okay." Pj interrupted Hazel, followed by Josie interrupting her interruption. Fuck fuck fuck. Why did Hazel say that? Why did she think that they were gonna care? They never cared. Pj never cared, Annie never cared, Isabel never cared, nobody ever cared! She was just so stupid, so pathetic. Why in the world did she-
Suddenly, something made the bad thoughts stop in Hazel's mind. She felt her fingers being intertwined with someone else's. Someone with comforting and soft hands. Hazel looked down to see a familiar set of rings, it was Lilliana. Lilliana was holding her hand. Lilliana was hold her hand! Hazel looked at Lilliana and smiled. Lilliana smiled back. That's when she knew. Lilliana cared.
   "I don't really like talking about juvie and everything that happened this summer, um," Josie said, snapping Hazel back into reality. "You know, obviously, we get a lot of props or whatever cause people think it's so badass. But, really wasn't. I mean, unless you consider getting hazed horrifically every single night, like badass. I mean, um, obviously, you know, we had to survive the Tributes and, you know, I did have to, like, fight people basically every single night. People were betting on us and we were given, like, shivs and rusty pocket knives and splintered wood and um, pipes as well, and, um, we had to just like, fight people, sometimes to the death. Um, and I still hear their screams at night, um, and that guilt probably will, like, always shackle me forever." Josie paused and Pj nodded in agreement. But smiled. Smiled like the big old liar she is. "I realize now, I don't have to be that person anymore, like, I don't have to just let things happen to me cause of you guys, and, um, I am, like, really grateful for what the club has become and um, just especially, you know, from where we started and uh, yeah sorry. I feel like I kinda killed the vibe. I've never really, I guess said that to anyone before. Sorry." She finally finished, laughing awkwardly. Hazel thought about what Josie said though. Maybe Josie cared too, even though she was lying. Maybe she cared.
Oh, Lilliana thought about what Josie too. Did Josie just explain the plot of Hunger Games?
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"I'm going through a divorce," Mr. G blurted. The girls looked around at each other. "Whoo! That shit felt good to say. Ooh, I'll tell ya'll,"Josie was wrong. She didn't kill the vibe. Mr. G did. "Men need therapy."