Little less Beautiful

Chapter 1

I could feel it, late at night when my mind was numb and my body was too weak to protest, the river that flowed in me. The nostalgic feeling of enchanted fountains shooting bright sparkling colours into the darkness of the night. Words I should have said but pushed away for manners' sake and also because  I was too afraid of letting my mouth ruin the small amount of good things in my life. We can all agree that living doesn't seem like enough at times. Sometimes it seems as if the world is oblivious to the strands of evilness planted in each of our DNA, definitive chromosomes weighing each of us down. Born of sin as some religious souls choose to call it, the same people who glorify themselves while dragging the rest of the world to hell. Yet it's conspicuous to highlight the goodness that was derived from the bad. The newspaper headlines make you believe you have to be a disappointment merely because you have been disappointed.

My dreams seemed too real at times, I could perfectly picture the slow symphony of the orchestra that's supposed to be my life fading due to a loud shriek of tonedeaf singer disrupting the melody.

"Liah! Liah wake up!" ,I bet she was wondering how I could sleep so soundly when my world was about to come crashing down. It was still surprising that despite everything that she knew about me she always forgot that I barely slept. My overthinking was as toxic as rat poison in a human gut. Clinically diagnosed, I came attached with several mental issues but my results had been altered when my sentence was passed. I wasn't a bit bothered if I was being honest, jail was way better than an assylumn, I'd die from anxiety watching all the troubled souls try to make sense of life.

My life had ended the moment the bubble that kept me comfortable in my mother's womb popped. If I had been more careful my soul wouldn't have secured a chance on this earth when the lots on who would descend were cast in heaven.

I was unlucky, it was no secret.

Sometimes I assumed it was because of the multiple mirrors I had broken as a child. Not forgetting Daisy my old neighbor's black cat, that creature was always in my path. Despite my superstitions, I know i also played a major role in creating my consistent misfortunes.

Love is not patient nor kind, at least not with me , I have constantly suffered at it's expense. I know it's foolish to believe is silly things,  but sometimes, it felt beautiful to have my heart broken.  I do hope as this story unfolds you will get to understand why I mean what i said.

As for now I am about to walk the ultimate walk of shame. People are supposed to be happy for you when you are given a chance at freedom but not prisoners.
Somehow the government chose to ruin my street credibility by releasing me from prison three days before I was destined to be hanged. I guess you must be wondering how its easy for me to say such things but if Ive learnt anything, in this  world empathy is a finite resource, no one will ever be fully capable of relating to your situation. You can rant all you want about the injustices you face but no one will truly feel sorry. No one will care if you are brilliant or talented unless there is a sad back story to scaffold the level of perfection you've archived. It's almost as if people expect you to endure curses so as to deserve blessings.

Nevertheless if what Im told is true most of my inmates will not remember me a few hours after they are released. At the good will of our leaders they offered (well truly they forced) us a chance of redemption in exchange of possible death. If I had a choice I'd pick the death sentence over being a guinea pig to grant political gratification to "science forward politicians" who hide behind their evil intentions behind inventions. 

I have a secret, and i believe this is the reason why every chance the government gets to kill me they use it. Somehow ive escaped death more than i like. So this time instead of killing me my enemy found a more acceptable solution to his problem. Wipe out my memories. Its ridiculous but its a brilliant plan if it works out. In all honesty i doubt i would have shared the secret even if they let me live in jail for a hundred years. No one is worthy to know.