so this girl came onto me recently
i was minding my own business
handling the usual whisky
thinking about ten thousand plans
on how to get away from there
when she sort of bumped into my elbow
and said wow i know you know me, right?
i said sure cause i missed what she'd said
and i didn't want to be weird
(even though i am be)
she smiled and talked a lot
about her six thousand followers
or maybe sixteen was it
on insta or snap or whatever was the hit
and she looked me up and got mad
cause i wasn't following
why do i constantly have a hard time
following everything, i said half jokingly
she asked if i really knew her and i said no
and she got more mad so she told me
all about reality tv and castings and time
spent in villas and mansions and having to
fly around repeatedly for tv things
that i assumed (or hoped) no one cared about
she kept touching her necklace
and it buggered me so i said that it looked nice
and she liked that and her fingers kept doing it
up and down in her cleavage like a zipper
which got me nervous even more
and we watched more of the content
she produced
she produced a lot
like really
so much that i wondered about the term
content
what does that entail exactly?
so i asked and i immediately regretted it
nails haircuts the occasional vibrators and travelling tips and fashion advice
and oh by the way, she said,
you should stop wearing vans shoes now
it's not the 1990s anymore
and she gently slapped my shoulder
as a sign of something i can't quite name
she asked me if i wanted to get out
and i thought to myself oh god what now
but before i could answer she went on
and offered to catch up on her latest show
she went to Palma with her friend Eva and they had a diving contest in a large swimming pool
it's something i should really see, she said
we could park somewhere and watch it
oh yes she definitely had an ipad in that BMW
i tried to politely decline and she took it
rather well given that her hand was firmly gripped on my arm
i looked around for an axe or any cutting device
but failed to see anything helpful
no one paid attention to my silent calls either so i kept sort of dancing but i can't dance so it was more like moving incessantly as if really in need to pee or something
i thought shame would drive her away but it made her laugh for some reason and
she called me cute before taking what sounded like a really coy tone:
i'm not sure you're exactly a fan of my show,
are you? i let out a long sigh hoping i'd disappear into it but it didn't take
so i said that i was more of a Baudelaire fan
she laughed and said
oh yeah i know him
but he only did a few shows as far as i know
and now his careers down the toilets
if you know what i mean
and oddly enough i did know what she meant
the music stopped almost on cue
she untied the grip and i sighed
i'm parked right outside
a wink
heels and heads turning
oh god now what?
