Aces High

Chapter 5

Three months had gone by since the shootdown, and those three months were like nothing I had experienced before. I had started to grow a bit distant from my fellow pilots. I wasn't as bright as I was when I first arrived on the island, and every time we had a scramble, I was always the first one in my jet. It was so serious at one point, even Steven couldn't shake me out of my rut. During one exercise, I had topped the board for the first time since my arrival, and yet, I couldn't bring myself to be happy about it. All through that time, Bronco, or rather Tristine and Bucky both never stopped trying to lift me up. She stayed in my room for a week at one point, just to make sure I was ok. Again, it made no difference. It wasn't until recently that I finally had snapped out of it. Rather, I was slapped back to reality.

The start of spring in the Pacific usually brought in some nice weather, much nicer than what it was when I first arrived. It was a late in the day when Bronco and I were being marshaled out of our respective hangars for a patrol. Aircraft activity had gone up in the past few days, and standing patrols were starting to increase in frequency. At the time, all I cared about was staying focused on the mission. The taxi and takeoff was quiet, as neither one of us had anything to say. We took off in close formation, turning to the east and climbing to altitude. Upon leveling off, we began our first couple of long sweeping orbits. The RWR sounded off as we picked up the two fighters heading back home.

"Shepard 1-1, 1-2, you're clear to RTB. Lightning and I have the airspace." I heard her call.

"Roger Bronco. We picked up nothing unusual on radar or RWR. Should have a transport flying through in a few minutes and an AWACS on station." Chip's voice seemed a bit too calm, considering what was a possibility. But she had Bucky flying with her, so I assumed she was pretty laxed because of that reason alone. I looked over at the Viper flying next to mine. I could see Bronco looking back at me, he visor was up and hazel eyes were piercing my soul.

"Lightning, you gotta tell me what's going on." She said. I said nothing. "Jerome, you have spoken to anyone in a week. I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong."

"You wouldn't understand." Is all I replied with.

"Try me." The tone in which she said that was a mix of emotion. Both of kindness and frustration. I stayed silent. At the time, I didn't feel like I had to answer her, but that only brought more heat my way. "Fine then, don't tell me. But don't think you can escape this conversation."

Once the AWACS was on station, we headed home. I wasted no time finishing up my post flight procedures, just to make sure I could get to the changing room before Tristine could find me.

"Damn, did you do some ACM with Bronco earlier?" I heard Bucky ask me. I was startled by his presence, as I didn't think anyone else was with me. I just shook my head in silence. "Are you ever going to get over what happened?"

"Get over it?"

"Yeah, you've been moping around ever since then. It's like the joy of this got sucked out of you." I knew he was right, but I didn't know what really to say. He gave me a reassuring pat on the shoulder. And I let it all out.

"I'm scared dude. I'm terrified. Every time I close that canopy, I feel like I'm sealing my own coffin lid." I must've looked like a mess of emotions, but Steven stayed stoic. "I don't know dude."

"Look, we both knew the risk when we joined. I've made my peace with it, and don't you think I felt the same?" I was taken aback. Not once had it crossed my mind that Steven was going through as much emotional strife as I was.

"I didn't know..."

"You never asked, nor did I ever show it." We locked eyes, but the look in his eyes wasn't the same. It was like looking into a furnace, his eyes lit up with a furious blaze. "I'm just good at hiding it. Either way you slice it though, we made it back alive. That's all that can be asked of us." Those words stuck with me for the rest of that day.