Infatuation (Kehlani x y/n)

Chapter Three

I laid down on the small temporary mattress i would be in for six weeks. I felt so unsettled, i want her to like me. Why though? I'm not fond of her at all and i hate having to leave my room for her. All of this is just so stupid, i have no reason to be overthinking about this woman i barely know. I can hear her humming from the room to my left, it's slow and calming. I felt my mind begin to relax for a few minutes until it dawned on me that, both through our small talk at dinner and casual conversation by the train tracks, that i had all along, without realising it, without even admitting it to myself, already been trying - and failing to win her over. When i offered to jog with her up to Wylie (which i offer to most of our guests as a kind gesture) i think i had different intentions with her. I would've loved to just stay there with her and take in the view of our small town and for her to see a side of LA she most likely hadn't seen before. But no. We'll do it "Later".

So i guess it might of started at that point, without me noticing it at all. When you see someone but you don't really see Them. Or you notice her, but nothing clicks, neither one of you 'catches on', and before you're even aware of these overwhelming emotions, the six weeks that were offered to you have or has almost passed and she's either already left or is getting ready to walk out of the door. So now, you're scrambling to piece everything together and trying to come to terms with which, unbeknownst to you, has been getting bigger day by day. How did it take me so long to realise? Because i know my desire when i see it. But this time it slipped right past me. I was just so entranced by the smile that Kehlani would have on her face anytime she heard a cheesy joke. Now i catch myself listening to her music in private and thinking about my body on hers, not in a sexual way but in a way that would make my very anxious heart, slow down.

At dinner on her third evening i sensed that Kehlani was staring at me as i explained they type of instrumental beats i had been creating with no intention of turning them into real songs, lord knows i can't sing. I was the youngest at the table and the least likely to be listened too. I learned to speak quickly and get as much information out as i could in the least amount of words. This gave people the impression that i was always flustered or unsure of what i was saying. After i had finished speaking i became aware of the glances coming from my left. Nothing had ever made me so thrilled and flattered; Kehlani was interested, she liked me, hopefully. I took a small breath and met her gaze and that's when my stomach dropped. I wasn't met with the loving or lustful gaze i was hoping for but a cold, dead glare. So hostile and vitrified at the same time.
It undid me completely.
What had i done to deserve this? I wanted her to be kind to me again, to laugh with me the same way she did at the train tracks the other day. I made small specific jokes and she understood them all. I thought our minds were travelling in parallel. I must have been very wrong. She is going to be a very difficult neighbour. It would be much better to stay away from her because my heart is much too fragile and easily persuaded to handle those looks.

I had just begun to fall for the small details in her, her tattoos, smile, and kind brown eyes. I knew that if she looked at me now with a much kinder gaze than i would take it as if a personal miracle had just rained on me like manna. I shot her a similar wicked glance just long enough for her to understand that i wouldn't stand for the mistreating looks.