This is cringe OMFG KMSSS😭/j I wrote this at 5:35 am on a school night🤭 (I wake up at 6am)
TW: sexual assault, loss of custody?, and yelling?
(Ramble one) Yay vent time (I hate that word actually ew-) Idk if this even is counted as a vent it's just a little recap and all for me to stay grounded? I guess?? but Jesus it feels disgusting- it's 4:21 on a school night at the moment, I'm going back to school for the first time in 2 week bc Christmas break is over for my school. This year has been a blur but crazy at the same time hell this month alone has been a roller coster, the dsmp ended which had been a thing in my life for 3 years, techno passes which I know it was a year ago but it feels like yesterday he was here making jokes with Tommy, will, Phil, tubbo, ect ect, I moved houses for the first time in what feels like my whole life, I used to live with my grandma and grandpa due to my parents losing custody over me a while ago? Honestly I don't remember how ago it was. But it wasn't fun living there. It was good for a while until I grew up, learned more, got into my own interests and hobbies which sounds good until you realize your grandmother is severely Christian and your interests/hobbies are about ghosts and paranormal thing that's considered unholy and against god. She starts changing getting more rude she learns I support gay people I get yelled at and the only person their to comfort me is my grandfather who was sexually assaulting me but of course me being the child I was forcing myself to think "oh he didn't mean it", that all broke when I was 10 and he actually did something that proved me wrong but of course I didn't want anymore family drama so no one knows and it wasn't the first time I had been assaulted so it kinda felt like "been their done that" or "oh well what happens happens" sure it was traumatic but it happened nothing you can change about it not like he'd go to jail anyways at least for that long (no he didn't rape me it's complicated). But that besides the point I got off track, it's okay at my new house, no more scared of being assaulted so that's good lmao, I have a door to my room finallyyyy, I am going to miss bus rides with my cousin though she has the best stories. We'll end of ramble at the moment their will be more though
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(My friend Alex)
(Second ramble) TW!: drug abuse, abuse, yelling, alcohol, Sexual assault, SH, suicidal people
Yoooo sad time Idk how to start this uhhhh it's still the first day back to school in 2 weeks but now it's almost 5 AM, I'm just thinking Ig I don't have wifi soooo I've turned to rambling about my sob story's, Ick I know, but I guess it's time for my sad life story or what I can remember of it- okay so I'm gonna be honest anything before late 2020 I don't remember. I Remember bits of it but it was all just screaming, throwing, and drug abuse and stuff not that I did them it was my parents, don't worry they have changed their good people now they just have flaws. Ill say what I kinda remember from before late 2020. My childhood wasn't bad at the start, my mom was amazing don't remember much of my dad though, we lived in many trailers from what I can remember and it was all good, my mom said as a baby I used to scare her shit less by fake coughing my lungs out and watching her run over in a worry then I'd laugh at her. I also remember having a little brown bunny that would shit everywhere idk what happened to him/her I think we let 'em go, I had many other pets to but I'm to lazy to talk about them, I don't remember much after that besides a few of my other pets, the birth of one of my sisters (second oldest) and other little memories. My mother told me my dad was already using (drugs) before she was he had been doing them while I was growing up I assume and my mom said "fuck it, I'll join in", her words not mine. I remember a house in which we still go to sometimes.. all my old things are their, my grandmother had sold it to someone (I'm not explaining all that), I remember yelling that's all I remember.. I have this one memory though, it still haunts me, my dad throwing boiling hot coffee at my mom as she laid on the bed which I assume he had shoved her on, sobbing for him to stop and that it hurts. I still remember her voice.. I have flashbacks of it at times rarely though. I also remember one of the kids that lived up on the hill coming down and playing dolls with me as my dad was out to fucking hell know we're.. she was so kind I hope she's doing alright, she was 11 and I don't remember how old I was though, but I think she knew what was going on.. she was so kind. She had to stop seeing me due to apparently one time while her brother and her were walking down a dog attacked them so their mother wouldn't let them come down anymore. I remember her saying a dog or a pig.. I like to think a dog since if she had said pig she would have been lying to me. I don't remember feeling upset at all when she left.. but I could be wrong. I think a few years later or just a year later my grandmother took me in, my dad had gone to jail but my mom was still with me but.. unfortunately for me I had gotten to my home to see my grandmother in her car waiting for me, I was so happy for some reason that day but my grandma sounded so upset, I think this was in 2019. Now, 2020. I remember finding the dream team first. I had watched little shorts of them on my school computer at the end of the day in 3rd grade (btw I failed a grade for missing to many days so-), I watched clips of them for a few months or so but at the end of the school year I think one of the very last days. I watched a sap nap stream.. the first video I had actually ever watched, I'm 70% sure it was a VOD of a speed run video.. after a while I found Tommy and he immediately became my favorite. I watched all of his Minecraft mod videos, I found Wilbur through Tommy same with tubbo, Ranboo, and Phil along with Charlie! They made me feel happy.. i remember when Tommy started the "Tom Simons" channel. I loved every single video on their.. bench trio had always been my favorite trio same with crime boys. Through the hardest times of my life they helped me. Honestly, I don't mind if it sound cringy or sappy.. they helped me stay alive. I was severely suicidal when I found them and they made me want to keep going.. 2021 was the BEST year every no one can tell me no, we'll, it was the best year for more content but also it was the time I started self-harming. I won't get into details on it but besides that I loved 2021 I wish I could go back.. 2022 was a sad but good year still a lot of content but techno passed in pretty sure in 2022 honestly I don't like thinking of his death so I don't remember.. everyone was ending their lore in the dsmp.. and finally it came to an end. The dream smp. I will never find anything like it again and their will never be anything like it again.. it was a fun 3 years, and I loved it, all the dumb cringy fanfics, "monster drunk" as I called it, our green and blue jokes, Tommy being called a child, bee boy, c! Characters, and so much more.. but, we still have the content creators maybe not all of them are still here and their not all still friends I'm still happy with my cringy fandom, they helped me through stuff like SH, being sexual assault, my gender/sexuality, my suicidal-ness, ect ect. I don't think I'll ever let it go.. but I'm still thankful it happened. Lmao sorry the dsmp has just done so much for me ik I sound like a stan but the things content creators can do is crazy.. but that's the end of my rant I feel better- if I do post this yes I am a-okay now I'm still slightly depressed but nothing to bad, ik only like one before will see this but yk I just felt like rambling, I'm ran-booing (reference giggle) it's 5:32 am- I'm gonna have a fun time falling asleep in class! .............
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
1111 words, giggles😖 (1111 make a wishhhh)
KILL ME OMFGG WHYYY but Anyways I just feel the need to post this😚 btw I'm a-okay
