Midnight Affair

in your passion i was lost

- Jay-hyung, can you lend me money for a taxi?

- Again?

- Again.

Jay-hyung smirks and takes out his wallet from his backpack, opening it and counting the money.

- Maybe you want to ride with me? - he offers politely, but Jungwon is sure it's not out of a desire to save money. - I've already called a taxi.

Jungwon tiredly refuses and runs his fingers through his sweat-drenched hair.

- I'll stay, I still need to practice. Don't wait for me; I'll finish late.

Jay nods and puts the money on the table.

- Remind me, what's your name, Mr. "money for a taxi"? - Jay asks with a smirk as they leave the locker room, and Jungwon chuckles quietly in response.

- I'm Jungwon. And rename me on your phone already. Anyone who sees will think you're my sponsor.

Jay promises to rename him. Jungwon is sure that Jay will forget again, and he'll ask for his name once more. Jungwon is not bothered by it. Well, maybe just a little. In any case, everyone will forget him in this company as soon as he leaves. So there's no point in making Jay-hyunggg remember his name.

The monthly evaluation is tomorrow, and Jungwon's skills are as they were, unchanged. He doesn't see progress in himself. Teachers don't see it either. In the last couple of evaluations, Jungwon received discouraging feedback about his lack of improvement. The teachers simply said that Jungwon stopped shining. Completely. Jungwon doesn't stand out among the dozens of performances by other trainees, and progress in his own skills has stopped. Jungwon would console himself with the thought that at least the progress didn't turn into regression, but that would be too pathetic. Jungwon is not like that. He's not accustomed to settling for anything so minimal.

Jungwon is not lazy or anything like that. He worked diligently before, and he still does now. Although now, probably, about five times harder. At least, he's the only one among the trainees who stays in the practice room until five in the morning. Jungwon just... loses confidence in himself with each passing day. Nothing has affected his self-esteem as much as other trainees with their amazing performances. Jungwon was sure that everyone else could be better artists than him. Absolutely everyone was better than Jungwon in absolutely everything. Jungwon can't make it into the top three leaders in any specialty. Riki, Heeseung-hyunggg, and JJ took over the dance scene. In vocals, Sunoo-hyunggg, Heeseung-hyunggg, and Juhyuk "rule." In music production, undisputed leaders are Woochan, Akaiyo, and Leo-hyungg. The coolest performances are always by Heeseung-hyungg and James because they are all-rounders, and on top of that, they feel most comfortable on stage, so even mistakes don't throw them off during a performance. Jungwon can't do that, but he really wants to. This time, he'll prepare very well and stay in the room until seven in the morning. He'll do everything, but he wants positive feedback.

- Everything will be fine, Hyung. - Riki sympathetically pats Jungwon on the shoulder, who is frozen in front of the monthly evaluation board, staring blankly at his name on the second-to-last line. - It happens. Everyone goes through tough times...

- Have you ever been in the second-to-last place? - Jungwon didn't want his voice to break like that, but it does.

- No, - Riki shakes his head, - but I heard that Jay-Hyung once fell to the thirteenth place. But now, he never leaves the top five.

The thirteenth place and the forty-third are not the same. Jungwon isn't throwing a tantrum, isn't crying, but he is sure that if he remains alone...

The teachers said that Jungwon himself didn't feel his performance at all. They also said that he looked horribly lost, as if he didn't understand what he was dancing and singing about.