Love Languages (BY: Book 2)

Good Luck

Lena's POV

Months since that terrible mistake, and still, now, when Stef says that she loves me, as much as I can't get enough of hearing it, it makes me feel terrible... I love her so much, even after all these years I'm still so deeply in love with her, and I can't shake this feeling of guilt off of me... I should have at least told her...

But now what is done is done and I won't hurt her so that I can feel better and less guilty, I won't. So I better find a way to deal with it on my own.

Today is Brandon's prestation for Idyllwild, and we all decided to go to support him, the kids, Mike, Stef and myself. Who would have thought years ago that we would all be excited to go somewhere with Mike as a family, and mostly who would have thought that we would have so many kids. The original plan was to give Brandon at least one little sister or brother, and now he has 4 siblings, and I don't regret a single one of them.

Anyways, we arrived there yesterday, or at least I did for Stef is the lucky one that got to drive Callie and Mariana here a little bit later, and so I have to be stuck with Monte alone, but it was a little bit less awkward than usual, so I guess that is a progress and then Jenna arrived and no matter how much I love her, she's exhausting.

Over the years, even though she was initially my friend, she became even more friend with Stef to the point that they call each other best friend. Not that I mind, but yeah, I'm a little bit jealous sometimes for I'm supposed to be Stef's best friend... but yeah I know that this is childish so Stef and I joke about it, and she adores teasing me about it, even though at the end of day she always tell me that no matter if Jenna is her best friends, I'll always be her favorite person, and that makes me feel very, very good.

Stef is so, so sweet sometimes that she still can make me blush like no one else and even when we are not really okay, remembering how she can be when she's not so obsessed about something, always put things in perspective and warm my heart. However, it's not always enough unfortunately, and that caused me to do one of the biggest mistakes of my life...

During the past few weeks, Stef did make some effort like she said she would. She was much more attentive and affectionate with me, and she listens to me a bit more as well. We don't always have time or energy to have a lot of sex like we would like, but we do try to as least sleep naked and rub each other's body at night for the kids were old enough for us to sleep the door close now. That alone makes me immensely happy because I've missed her like this. I was so angry with her at time that even without saying anything to her, I think she could feel my anger and so she didn't try to approach me for I know how much she still can't deal with rejection.

That is something that I know is one of her weaknesses, one of her deepest pains coming from her parents, especially her father, and sometimes that reflect on our relationship. Rarely though, for she told me that I'm the only one that make her feel totally accepted, it's just that sometimes unconsciously she pulls away to protect herself when she feels that I'm angry or not in the mood, she would just wait until I'm more open to come to me, and so far this process worked beautifully for us because it's healthy that we give each other the space needed even though sometimes it goes a bit too far and we end up drifting apart like we did this year.

But right now, we are pretty fine, getting closer to each other again, and ready to hear our son and his friends, playing music for us. Hopefully Brandon will win the contest, but either way, we are just always so happy to come see him play for he's so talented and the three of us with Mike, are very proud of him.

I was sitting next to Stef in the public, waiting for Jenna and Monte to come join us and both Stef and I were surprised to see Jenna arrived without Monte.