I sit here dark in my room wondering about the time that I use to have as the clock ticks and tock I realized I wasn't getting any younger I was 19 living in my best friends house I had just moved out of my parents house in January of 2023 it is currently January 2024 so maybe roughly a year I remember it just like yesterday I was sitting in the same bed I am lying down in staring at the cold dark room my head was pounding from all the crying I had suffocated to my eyes were puffy and red I got up to go to the bathroom I looked in the mirror I hated what I saw I hated who I was I hated how big I was I did not like who I was I was too big, I didn't like how I looked at all if we're being honest the way I looked I didn't like the marks on my body I didn't like how people thought they could use me I didn't like how I was ugly I didn't like any inch of me I looked in that mirror I looked into my depressed eyes, and wanted to die I didn't want to be here I had gotten rid of my job my parents had pressed me into going to college which was never my plan I wanted to go to the navy because I knew I wouldn't succeed in school I actually am utterly stupid I can't do anything I don't retain anything that is taught to me i don't know how to do math it's very complicated I went off to Navarro college because my parents told me they would take my car and kick me out now I am in $5,500 in debt and I'm engaged but less than a year ago I got out of a toxic relationship and now my head is spiraling again I am 19 and I should know what I want to do for the rest of my life and who I should want to spend it with? Trust me I love who I am with but sometimes I think is this my destiny? Is this my decision or did I do it off a win and I only overthink myself because of other people I truly believe I found my person but sometimes I question is this what the universe wanted for me?
