The journey:2024-...

Not much to say...but did.

2024-01-10
Wednesday
About 12:50 pm
Setting : heading out to buy a calculator

(Maybe on the way I'll write by Google voice typing if that works or I'll write upon return.)

So got some hatred for the precious chapter.(deserve it tho) and well nothing much to say about happened today. (got a lot on my mind but no words to say it)

*Upon returning*
(Was lost in the song "World's smallest violin the whole way along with my thoughts)

So here's something I've observed for myself today. I have really gotten to the point where seeing a girl and a boy having fun with each other makes me feel bad. (Like I feel jealous then start feeling bad; bad like I'm angry at them for showing themselves in public.)

Yeah I got to that point of being single. I really do hate the feeling of being single. However I can't even stand... oh now I've finally got the word 'stand'. I've reached the point of life where I can't even stand looking at the couples enjoying themselves. Like seriously, I saw about 3-4 couples (could've been brother and sisters tho, but still) and each time my heart told me; man why are they even trying. Just don't.

Yeah it's not a good feeling but it's just a result of being rejected a lot and I mean a lot. Several times even by the same person. And it's just like how seeing other people's success makes us feel while we're not that successful yeah same as that.

I don't like the feeling but I do get the feeling tho. Man when will this feeling finally get its salvation.

So been in a really down mood almost the whole day it's about 2:40 pm and man today I don't even feel like writing anything at all. I don't even have the daily tea routine to follow today. Like I haven't got my thirst for tea that I usually get at around 2 pm in the afternoon. And it's literally freezing cold outside and I'm outside in the passage so it's basically the perfect weather for tea in spite of all that I've got no mood for tea.

I guess I'll just write something short and sweet today as well a daily thing has to be consistent for it to be a part of your habits.
And I want the habit of writing to be my own.

So let's start with one of the thing that made me feel better today. The fact that our maths teacher told me that he's given my message to my opponent (the topper of the college; I got second place with another one being second as well with equal marks.) , that "I'll be taking the title this time and that he better prepare for the competition ." (the I is me here tho), and like how I make this sound over dramatic and things this were his real words. He told me that he's given my message to the topper. He said  that he's told him that you're gonna come out on top this time. So you better prove me right. And I've also given him the warning that he'd better do his best if he wants to win.
Yeah some teacher he is. His words made me feel like I've got a lot of blessings in my life as well including my friendships and the friendly relations with the teachers as well. Something that made me feel better.

Yeah so onto the next thing that happened is that (not really a good one), well my granddaughter also read the stories I wrote.

*review previous chapters to know who the granddaughter is*

And well unfortunately she saw the one where I wrote not so good (basically worse) things about them(ah hum) . So I was cornered for a moment but since I don't like keeping words left unsaid. If she's reading this , "Sorry, if anything I said made you feel bad. It's just my view and well not even my view. Just my thoughts of the day. It's only a bad chapter, the story has just started. Being mad at me or just feeling sad is never the solution. If you're angry, just go in front of me and slap me right there and then. Then say what you have to say. (Maybe leave the slapping part) My thoughts are never the same and well  I act how I feel (at the very moment). If anytime I say things that might hurt your feelings don't take them by heart unless I behave like that everyday. I change each time. I show how I feel at that instant and these stories are thoughts written in deep solitude so it varies a lot."