Deep November

four.

The next morning, for the first time all week I didn't go directly to Addison's house. I didn't follow her to work.

I kept my distance.

When my alarm went off in the morning I woke up as I normally would and I tried to go about my morning without thinking of her. I pushed her out of my mind as much as I could, but she was in everything; an apple as red as her lips I'd had for breakfast, the blue of her eyes was in the sky the second I pulled the drapes open, the pale white of coffee creamer I'd spilled on the counter reminded me of her miles of smooth, soft skin.

All day, I felt as if I was going crazy, as if my body was itching inside my own skin. All attempts at relaxing for the day, at spending the day trying to forget about her, were all in vain.

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get her off my mind. I couldn't stop thinking of her. Every time I closed my eyes I pictured her face, I imagined what she would feel like kissing me, what she would feel like to hold and to comfort.

This job was driving me crazy...I felt like I was genuinely going insane. I knew I wasn't right in the head but my head was full of thoughts of her so how could that possibly be wrong?

I obsessed over her, my mind running circles around her, until I couldn't take it any more.

For hours, I made a plan. She was the target I was being paid to take out, she had to go whether I was happy about it or not. My own personal feelings didn't matter and frankly I found it worrying that I cared so damn much about her.

This one woman was turning into my entire undoing.

For my plan I made a list; I'd steal her laptop, type and print a letter to Derek as the suicide letter. Several personal items would be mailed off a day before she was found, reaching the mailboxes of her closest friends after they'd been given news of her unfortunate and tragic passing.

Then, I'd plant some evidence of cheating. Make everyone think she killed herself because her affair partner was going to rat her out to her husband and she just couldn't live with herself.

I don't know how I'm going to live with myself.

After what felt like years, I finally gave in and decided I'd listen in on her. I'd just listen for a little bit, just to see what she was up to, and then I'd leave it alone for the day.

So, moving more eagerly than I'd ever care to admit, I pulled out my phone and pulled up the audio that the bugs in her office would be picking up.

"Derek's out of town for a couple of weeks. Working in Seattle"

Her voice flooded my ears, and the wave of relief that washed over me was surprising. After all day trying to put her out of my mind, it was relieving to finally just hear her.

I had never been so much as in the same room as her but yet she brought me so much peace in a way I'd never experienced before.

"Mhm. He's been weird lately"

She was on the phone. I could hear her moving around, rustling papers and moving pens. She was working as she had a conversation that I could only hear one side of.

I was curious as to who she was talking to, but I tried to tell myself that it didn't matter. Who she was talking to was none of my business, it was what she was saying that I had to pay attention to.

Her words meant so much to me. It made me hate Derek even more, knowing he didn't care for her half as much as I did. He wanted her dead. He was the sick bastard in all of this, not me.

"I think he's cheating on me"

Of course Derek would be the weak link in this whole operation. Acting weird, letting the guilt get to him, making his wife think he was keeping secrets. Whoever she was on the phone with was now a concern of mine, because my plan was to lay Addison out as the cheater.