The Aggro-Surviving Summer

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Once I'm close enough to Jonas, I start to analyze his face and notice a scratch running across his cheekbone. Before I can stare too long, he grabs on my wrist and tugs me through the front entrance. I stare into his watery eyes but his face doesn't change from its stone cold state "I-" I'm quickly shushed by Jonas "don't" he pushes me towards the living room. I don't know what to do or how to react, I don't understand what I did wrong and Jonas won't even let me speak.

Finally Jonas gathers his composure, he lets out a big sigh and finally starts "first of all, I didn't know where you were or if you were okay. Second..... they found mom and dad" Jonas looks to me for my reaction but I don't give one "you didn't answer your calls" I say without any specific tone in my voice "on my way home from the hospital, to confirm our parents dead fucking bodies. I couldn't exactly see and I got in a fuckin accident, alright?" Jonas seems embarrassed.

I don't know how to feel, what to say or how to react to make Jonas more comfortable. I stare down at my hands, picking at my nails and trying to keep my leg from bouncing. I put my hands on my knees to push myself off the couch but before I can even get three steps in, Jonas has his hand on my elbow. I turn around slowly but don't look at his face. Jonas wraps his arms around my neck, gently resting his head on top of mine. I follow his actions and realize, maybe Jonas just needs comfort right now.

"I'm sorry you had to see that Jon" I whisper. I feel him nod his head against the top of mine "how are you after the accident?" Is my next question "fine just a few scratches, I went into the ditch but the van is fine, I just hit my head and someone saw it and called the cops so I couldn't just drive home" he explains "and I'm sorry, my phone was dead and Bax doesn't have a charger in the car... since you didn't answer, I thought i'd be home before you" I explain "it's alright, i'm just overwhelmed" he then let's go of me "I bet. Maybe a surf? Movie? Tea?" I list off a few things. Jonas looks to me and shakes his head "I just want to be alone but I want you home" he says quietly "I understand" I nod my head.

I walk towards my bedroom and away from Jonas, I don't feel the need to cry about my mom and dad which is odd. I guess I always assumed they were dead anyway but I bet Jonas is having a hard time dealing with seeing them. I want to ask more questions like where did they find them? When did they find them? How did they die? How long have they been dead? I know it's stupid to ask Jonas, I know it is. I bet he wouldn't tell me anyway just to keep my feelings intact but my curiosity is killing me. I just want to know what happened.

I grab my phone and plug it in, I feel bad for wanting to tell my friends so soon and it's not for their pitty. I just can't hold it in and I don't wanna bother Jonas. I change into comfier clothes and start laundry. By the time I'm back in bed, my phone finally turns on.

Bax: is everything alright?

Bax: should I text Jonas?

Bax: is he mad at me?

Bax: you have me worried lex what's going on

An innocent smile appears on my face from Bax's concern, I send a quick text to the
groupchat first.

Lexi:  "they found my parents today and jonas had to identify the bodies so he's a bit shaken up. he wants me home right now understandably but it's a longer story that i'll have to explain when i see you guys but don't worry about me i'm doing decent. just wanted to let you guys know in case you heard from someone else first".

I then go straight to Bax and I's chat

Lexi: everything is alright, jonas had to identity my parents bodies today because they found them, i don't know any details but jonas is definitely shaken up. i guess he got in a small accident on the drive home but we're all good here :)

Bax: jeez lex that doesn't sound 'all good' to me. are you sure you don't need anything? and is jonas alright?

Lexi: jonas is fine from the accident, i don't know how he feels after seeing them but i think he wants to be alone

Bax: i'm not sure what to say

Bax: just lmk if you need anything

I decide not to answer Bax and just leave it as it is. I turn on my tv to keep my mind off of everything. I don't know how I feel or how I should feel. 

I waste most of my day in bed, I don't bother to move and the last thing I want to do is face Jonas right now. I can feel myself needing to let these emotions out but I know as soon as I talk about it or I'm alone long enough without a distraction, all of my feelings will come out in tears.

Once it's later in the night I decide to make Jonas and I some soup. It's both of our comfort food and it's super easy for me to make. I grab all of the ingredients and start prepping everything to put into the pot. I see Jonas sitting on the couch from the corner of my eye, he doesn't look like he's watching whatever is on the TV "hey wanna come help with this?" I ask gently. He doesn't say anything but instead just makes his way over to me. I don't know what to say to him and so I don't say anything, I just hope eventually he'll say something to me.

Once everything is in the pot, the only thing left to do is let it simmer and then we can eat it. I start to walk off back to my room but before I can reach my door Jonas finally speaks "wanna come chill on the couch with me?" It almost sounds as though he's pleading "yeah of course I do".

I sit down facing Jonas, I realize we've got to talk and we can't avoid it much longer so hopefully this initiates the talking. "So how's the aggro?" Jonas asks rolling his eyes "I was hoping we'd get over that nickname" I form a real smile "I think it's just gunna stick Lex... sorry" Jonas shrugs "can I ask you something?" my tone switches to a more serious one and I notice Jonas flinch "we don't have to talk about it Jon" I tell him honestly "no we do. I can't avoid it, you deserve to know kid" Jonas takes a deep breath and looks for me to start.

"How long? How long have they been dead for?" I feel my heart beating out of chest. I need to know but at the same time, do I? "They said no longer than 3 months" Jonas looks down at his hands "where did they find them?" I scan Jonas' face to see if he's still comfortable with all of the questions but the only thing I can see is confusion... a lost puppy. "Washed up on shore somewhere, I wasn't listening-I-uh" his voice trails off into silence "dad looked-he looked so normal. I just can't-I fuck" I notice Jonas' voice cracking and so I place my hand on top of his "we don't have to talk about it Jon, I don't need to know everything right now" I look to Jonas with a reassuring nod but he still doesn't look at me  "I just can't understand yknow? They were alive all these years. What were they doing? I just have so many questions kid and I just wish you didn't have to be in this position. I wish you didn't have to think about all of the possibilities or feel guilty or feel any of the shitty feelings that come with this shitty situation" Jonas finally makes eye contact.

Apologies for taking so long, i haven't had much time to write recently and it's snowing where i live so it's hard writing about summer right now lol. i'm not sure if i like this chapter or the next one i've been working on but im open to input!