After the Dive

The Promise

Dean plopped his go-bag on the stool by the front door, the one he'd been meaning to put away after fixing the crack in the wall. In that first week he'd showed up on Lisa and Ben's doorstep, crazy with grief and riddled with nightmares, he'd been adamant on staying busy. A hole in the wall? He ran right out to the hardware store and patched it up. A lightbulb in need of changing? Say no more. It was done. A leaky pipe? No problem, he'd grab some tools and go to town. It was when his hyper-fixation landed on grooming the lawn that Lisa began to seriously worry. Not because her damaged knight in shining armor was accidentally killing her violets, but because this wasn't right. He wasn't alright. It was time he stopped pretending he was.

"You don't have to hold everything in, Dean," she'd said while they did the dishes together, her washing, him drying. "Eventually, you're going to explode."

"I'm not holding anything in," he answered, though his eyes were glazed over, as though picturing something tragic.

"Don't lie to me. I can see it. You are falling apart, and I don't know how to help you."

He met her gaze. "I'm fine, Lisa. I swear."

But, of course, that had just been another lie.

Finally, after another week of putting local handymen and plumbers out of business, they'd settled on the conclusion that Dean would never know peace unless he exhausted the one thing solution they both could come up with. He needed closure. And he wasn't going to find it in this house, slowly going insane.

Staring at his old go-bag, a reminder of what he was leaving beneath it, Dean couldn't stop doubt from festering inside him. This was pointless. He was hitting the open road, leaving the life Sam wanted for him, for something that might not even be out there.

His brother was dead, locked in the cage with Michael and Lucifer. There was a fine line between saving a brother and putting a fragile barrier at risk. Even if there was a way to pull Sam out of the pit, could he do that? Could he risk everything they fought for not a month ago?

If anybody could, it's you, a voice inside Dean said. 

He was reminded of something Gabriel told Sam and him: 

You were born to this, boys! It's your destiny. It was always going to be you. 

Dean just hoped that rule still applied after the great plan was uprooted.

"Second thoughts?" Dean turned to see Lisa standing between the entryway and the living room, arms folding across her slim torso.

He shrugged. "Just thinking, I guess. There's a lot of places to go. People to see. Almost don't know where to start."

Lisa nodded, almost to herself. "You don't have to go if you really don't want to. I just thought-"

"And you were right," Dean interrupted. "I need this. Sam made me promise I'd get a normal, apple pie life, and as far as I'm concerned I fulfilled that promise."

"So that's why you're here? You made your brother a promise."

"No! No. I didn't mean... I want to be here. I just..." Dean glanced down the hall, searching for the right words. He wanted nothing more than to be here. But if there was a snowball's chance in hell...

"Maybe you shouldn't go," Lisa sighed.

Dean smirked back at her. "Sounds like you're the one with second thoughts."