One of a Kind: A Touhou AU

Chapter 1

Remilia Scarlet rubbed at her forehead, setting down a letter in a large stack. She got up from her desk and headed for the door.

"Sakuya?"

Straightening her back and readjusting her collar, the grey-haired maid perked up.

"Yes, My Lady?"

"Go set up some tea in the courtyard, please. With raspberry finger cakes too. And see to it that all the individual hairs on the berries are removed."

"Of course, I'll see to it immediately."

With a small bow, Sakuya vanished.

Making her way through the scarlet corridor, Remilia replayed the day in her mind.

Another candidate off the table, she thought. How unremarkable can you be? My standards aren't that high.

She had made one simple request: somebody within her sister's age range offer to be her friend. So long as they weren't capable of being obliterated in a single hit, bathed regularly, and weren't a hideous eyesore, they could qualify. The previous letter had been sent by the ice fairy who lived near the lake, and Remilia could say for certain that she failed every single qualification. At the top of the stairs, she looked left and right. Confirming that nobody was around, she hopped on the banister and slid the rest of the way down. Jogging into the courtyard, an elaborate spread awaited her; Sakuya had not only prepared the requested tea and cakes, but an elaborately decorated pie, colorful meringues, and a platter of sliced meats and cheeses. Regaining her composure, the young vampire strolled into the courtyard, cast in a dim, ghostly light by the moon. Sat at the table was a pudgy girl with tawny skin and long purple hair flowing out of her bonnet. Hunched over, she rubbed at her eyes, which were perpetually surrounded by dark circles.

"Hello, Remi."

"Did Sakuya bring all this out for you?" the vampire asked.

"I requested she make some for me, yes. You always invite me to eat with you."

Remilia giggled and plopped herself down.

"Glad you know me well, Pache."

"Tea, Miss Patchouli?" inquired the maid.

The purple-haired girl shook her head.

"No thank you."

Remilia reached for a cake, biting into it and sucking out the jam layer. Then, she devoured the rest in a single bite.

"You've been having a rough time finding a friend for Flandre, haven't you."

Coughing and retching, the vampire smacked her chest, trying to dislodge the spare crumbs she had swallowed wrong.

"I— hrgk! Don't— gah—"

"Take your time."

"They're all ugly! Sakuya, stand down. I'm fine."

The maid stepped back as Remilia had stopped coughing.

"Anyways," She continued, "None of the candidates have any tact or grace. I don't think half of them can even count to ten. If Flan wants to socialize, then she needs to do it with somebody who won't tarnish the Scarlet family name."

Patchouli nodded, sipping out of a mug.

"What's that?"

"Hot chocolate. I don't think you'd like it though."

Remilia frowned.

"It's spiced, isn't it? They do that where you come from, you mentioned that once."

"Mhm. Though..." mused Patchouli, a slight humor to her voice. "It's strange that a girl who drinks blood on the regular has no spice tolerance."

Remilia let out a small harrumph and grabbed a handful of cheese, shoving it into her mouth.

"I'm running out of options," she snarled between mouthfuls. "What will I do if I can't find somebody to be Flan's friend?"

"You could be her friend."

The vampire paused and looked up from her plate, before shaking her head.

"She doesn't like me."

"Have you asked her?" Patchouli questioned.

"I'm already sure of it."