𝕭𝖠𝖡𝖸𝖫𝖮𝖭 ❦ saltburn.

𝐈𝐈. 𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐒 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐋𝐃.

𝓜𝙸𝚂𝚂 𝓦𝙾𝚁𝙻𝙳. - 𝙷𝙾𝙻𝙴.

Late spring, Summer Term. Barbie woke up next to Felix once again. He was smoking a cigarette, complaining about the mess his dorm was. It was boiling hot.

"I mean, yours is at least more cleaned than mine." - He says taking a look at the aesthetically pleasing mess Barbie's room was. He was sitting on the bedroom floor, throwing his head back, feeling his skin burning hot. The window was behind him and the sun hitting through the curtains painted a mix of orange and red on his body and all over the room.

Truth is, her room was not so different than his. All her lace lingerie was thrown on the floor, her clothes all balled up and messy inside her wardrobe, the desk was a mess of papers and huge books and little notebooks with glittery stickers sticked on them; filled with doodles and late night thoughts.

"Are you kidding me?" - She spoke following a laugh, she was already making the bed. - "I need to clean everything, it's driving me insane."

"Yeah, me too." - He took a drag of his cigarette and agreed with her. He always complained, tip-toed around all the things that bothered him but never really did anything about it, he was like a little kid.

Barbara started to pick her outfit for the day, she untangled her hair and put lipstick and mascara on. The world was a runway, and it was Barbie's. She walked around college knowing she was beautiful and that she made heads turn whenever she passed by. She loved attention, she loved compliments, she loved being nice to people too, but nothing filled her more than approval. She can be dying on the inside and you will always see a wide smile on her face, a playful, flirty allure in her persona and a tenderness towards everyone. But, whenever she was sad, she walked around like a ghost, like a living dead girl, keeping the same haughty posture.

She eats, she later regrets it. She cries and her head hurts until she wants to vomit. She wonders if she's really enough and if she's really that beautiful. She complains about her life, she laughs about how naive she can be and how bitchy she usually is. She makes the bed to lay and rot in it, she does nothing all day, she cries and complains like a little girl. She was drunk in power and uncertainty, twisted on redundancy, laced on unwanted decisions. She was not ready to be a big girl, she was scared that her life just passed by and left her with nothing but distress.

Barbara just wanted to go back and enjoy her childhood like she deserved, like all girls should. And later realized, that she has always been a big girl, she was a grown up and she has always been. Her heart is massive, but it's empty.

"You look amazing." - Felix wrapped her waist with his arms, placing a kiss on her neck and later on her shoulder. Her skin was warm and soft, it's a shame she doesn't seem to notice.

"Thank you." - She kisses his cheek and smiles, blushing at his words and his big brown eyes glancing at her. His eyes travelled her face, realizing how much he missed having her this close.