The Chronicles of Bardon Mew: The Reluctant Hero's Journey

A Tasteless Celebration

The people of Barrelmeade did not waste any time putting up the banners and kiosks for their festivities after finding the nameless couple dead in their homes, brutally mauled. The celebration was in full force, the Travelling Troubadours playing their music on stage as the villagers danced gaily, vendors selling varieties of foods and goods, little ragamuffins running around carelessly past bakers holding a ridiculous amount of bread.

"Watch where you're going, you little Ragamuffins! Can't you see I'm holding a ridiculous amount of bread!" The baker angrily shouted as the little ragamuffins ran by him.

Amongst all the cheering, smiling faces, one face in particular was absent from this most tasteless of celebrations. If the villagers weren't so caught up in their festivities, they may have noticed a lone figure peering out of a second story window of a well-built, perfectly manicured, wooden house staring back at them, the pained expression of exhaustion glaring down at them.

"Do they have to celebrate every time someone dies?"

If there was one thing Bardon Mew hated it was almost everything. If he could have the choice to lock himself up in his room and stare at the walls for the rest of his life he would do that, but sadly his human body needed thing like food, water and even some socializing at times, an act he did begrudgingly for the sake of his mental health. He disliked Barrelmeade as much as the rest of Fantassia did, but having been born there he had no choice but to be a part of it. The constant festivities in Barrelmeade created an emptiness within him of hopelessness and flabbergastery of which he could only repress deep within himself. Standing six foot three, broad shoulders and a bulky build, he'd be intimidating if it weren't for the fact everyone in town treated him as if he were a massive teddy bear, something he, as you probably guessed, hated. The constant disappointment and fatigue caused him to have a dead pan demeanour in both looks and delivery, to which everyone would laugh thinking he was being humourous. He wasn't. He could tell any villager straight to their face how much he hated them and he thought they were the ugliest looking potatoes this side of a rotten farm and they'd laugh.

"Haha, you're too much, Bardon!"

*All of this is purely shown through the actor's eyes, used as subtext, for the live-action adaptation. More reason why you should read more books*

There were only two things in this universe that Bardon loved. The first was wood. Bardon had an obsession with wood. He loved the way it looked, it's texture, it's smell, how you could build anything you want out of it. He couldn't build anything himself and if you were to ask him about different types of wood, he wouldn't be able to tell you the difference between Oak and Pine, but he loved just looking and touching it. His favourite room in his home was completely empty, except for a myriad of wood hanging from all four walls and a chair seated in the middle of the room where he could sit for hours just staring at the wood. This was his place of calm, his one haven away from all the idiots in his village. This was the only place he ever smiled.

The second was the Duke's Daughter, the Bearded Princess. Bardon has been deeply in love with the Bearded Princess since he first laid eyes on her at the age of five, the sun glinting off her big, brown eyes, her beard flowing in the wind. They attended Barrelemeade Primary together and Bardon was absolutely smitten by her, unable to concentrate in class as he would stare endlessly her way. His heart desired only one thing, to marry the Bearded Princess and be with her forever. No kids as he hated kids. Unfortunately, being as she was the Duke's daughter it made it almost impossible for him to even consider it a possibility of ever happening. He'd be forced to simply envision it in his mind for the rest of his life.

Bardon was snapped out of his daydream as a large custard pie hit his window, covering it in splatters of custard and crust.

"I just cleaned that window" Bardon said to himself disheartened. He opened the window so he can continue to glare at the crowd properly. Down below he caught the sight of his Best Friend, Jeremiah Ferdinand.