𝙈𝙮 𝘽𝙪𝙧𝙙𝙚𝙣 𝙉𝙤𝙬

Chapter 1 | Life Before

THE COLD WIND BLEW THROUGH YOUR HOSPITAL ROOM WINDOW, and you couldn't help but shiver as it touched your skin. Hiking up your blanket for warmth, you felt resentment for the first time after a long period of numbness, recalling how you ended up here.

Bedridden like a vegetable. Frowning, you sighed as you turned to your cellphone, feeling comfort while watching the familiar show that had captured your attention and heart during your hospital stay—Naruto.

There was an empty yet again the feeling of fragility, as you couldn't even get up from your bed without needing assistance from the staff.

You remembered. Your mother went by earlier telling you that you should be patient and let the doctors handle your condition, and then soon you'd get better. It should have made you feel better; it should have made you feel warm and assured inside, but instead, there was this lingering coldness behind her eyes that made you feel even more numb and alone, maybe even hurt.

Before the incident, you were an ambitious athlete engaged in various sports. Whether it be gymnastics, fencing, archery, or hand-to-hand combat. You didn't remember why you joined most of it. The only things you enjoyed were hand-to-hand combat and maybe fencing; other sports had more of a feeling of obligation than anything because of how long you've been doing it. You've been doing all of those since you could remember, really.

Now, confined to the hospital, you reflected on the past and realized that your mother's seemingly caring actions masked a lack of genuine concern. The accident revealed your leukemia, and despite your mother's efforts, a void persisted in your need for love and genuine care.

Then came "the incident," as you'd like to call it. The incident wherein you were hit and ranover before the competition of a gymnastics event you were supposed to compete in.  You were sent to the ER and were immediately hospitalized afterward. The hospital ran the usual tests, which led to the discovery of your now... "condition," as your mother liked to phrase it. They discovered you had leukemia. 

You smiled bitterly. Ever since your mother found out, she did everything possible to make you "feel better." It seemed like the warmth in her eyes disappeared, along with the usually caring attitude you experienced whenever you had won a contest. There was an awful aftertaste in your mouth when you finally noticed that, over the years, you had just tolerated whatever your mother gave you to do. Whether it was a new sport she wanted you to try, or the way she left you with caretakers who cared enough for you not to get harmed and overall just healthy. However, it was never enough to fill the void of your need of wanting to feel loved and cared about.

You tried... Tried to do every little thing your mother gave you. She had always said she had a "vision." for you, and she had implied that It was for you to be a better version of yourself. It was now after staying in the hospital, with many hours to think... you had many realizations, one of which: your mother never wanted what was best for you... she just always wanted what benefited her.

Now, looking back on it, it seems as if she didn't care for you as much as you've thought. You looked back outside the window as tears blurred your eyes. In your eyes, she was the most supportive mother. But that was before.... feeling alone in the cold and empty room, you started reminiscing about the old times. Where life was nice and not a bitch.

You let out an empty chuckle. Maybe life wasn't as it seemed with all that's happened to you. Your body's resentment is dissipating, leaving you feeling numb as usual. You looked out the window, wondering what it felt like to run and walk again without tiring yourself quickly. You breathed in as much fresh air from the window as you could, as you could do nothing but lay down and rest.

With how much time has gone since you were first admitted to the hospital. You were no longer surprised by how much free time you had in bed. Choosing to spend the time watching anime, specifically Naruto. Reminiscing on your memories of the past, you remembered a brief moment in your life when you wanted to try something so bad. It was when the Naruto series came out. You had accidentally read the summary of it, not knowing what it was, but it intrigued you. Plus, the art was cute.