Long Live The King (Peaky Blinders)

Nightmares and Fears

(Nicky's P.O.V.)
I watch from a distance as Jeremiah was removing the bullet from Tommy's chest. Loud groaning which almost turned into yelling filled the room. Hands gripping onto mine and my brothers shirts trying to push us away. "Take it, Tommy!" Arthur told him as Jeremiah dug a metal thing into his chest, "take it!". "hold him still!" Jeremiah ordered everyone as Tommy began to trash more and more. I looked down at his chest, covered in blood as Jeremiah dug further into the wound to get to the bullet. "Come on!", "Get it out!" Everyone yelled through each other. Encouraging Tommy on to keep it together or hurrying Jeremiah up. Then finally Jeremiah pulled back "there. I still have the knack" the man said laughing and dropping the bullet into a glass. "Have a drink" Arthur said handing Tommy a bottle of whiskey. Tom takes a large swig before Arthur took the bottle from him, "all right. Deep breath!" Arthur told him before pouring the liqour over the wound, which left Tommy breathless. Both os us lock eye contact before I turn to walk to the private booth. Where Danny's body laid. Everyone soon followed my move to pay respect to the fallen comrade. Ada and her baby, Polly, Freddie, Tommy, Arthur, John, me, Jeremiah and a few others. I watched as John hung his head low "now we can burry him properly. In the grave we dug for him". "Yeah, it's high on a hill. He'd like that" Tommy said with a soft smile. I pull the cork of a bottle with my teeth and held it upright to begin a toast. Something I did for every one of my soldiers that died during the war and now will continue for my friends. To Danny-whizzbang" I began, "may we all die twice!". I took a drink and passed it along to the person next to me. Who took a drink and said a toast aswell. I help Tommy, Curly and Scudboat bring Danny into the back of a van. "He's got sons" Curly began looking over at Tommy, "should we find work for them?". Beside me Tommy shook his head, "no, let them be. Let them find ordinary work like ordinary men". I turn to the men on the truck "they like horses do they not?". Scudboat and Curly nod, unsure what I was asking for. "I'll have my stablehand reach out to them" I told them with a nod before walking away to leave the pub behind.

I had arrived in the bettingshop from the Shelby's that was attached to their house. The appartment I had in Small Heath was now under to many prying eyes to just go to. Even Reynolds with a good talk on him to keep others away from me, couldn't manage to talk his way out of the questions "why was the King in Small Heath?", if I was seen at the appartment with no guards. Reynolds was so loyal and willing to do his job, that I just had to give him a certain look. And that was enough for him to realise to keep my whereabouts a secret. And damn he did that so well, that even the home office never could get much information to find out where I was. He was a great help to me and I made sure to reward him for his teamwork. Whether it was help with his house, family or even friends. And if the home office wants to fire him, I'll surely remind them that Reynolds works for me, not them. I grab a glass and pour myself a drink before sitting down in the quiet bettingshop. I had no further desire to stay around the partying Shelby's and the others in the Garrison. It wasn't my victory and I didn't fight in there war, so there was no use for me to be there. I slouch in the chair and close my eyes. Enjoying the silence and peace. I heard the door open, but I wasn't to bothered to look who it was. I could identify them by the footsteps. I heard the footfalls stop near me and then the legs of a chair scrape against the woodenfloor. With a sigh I heard Tommy sit down and grab the bottle. I sit upright and open my eyes to see Tom take a swigg from the scotch bottle. Lowering the bottle, Tommy studies me closely. His icey blue eys moving over my features. I took in a deep breath and shook my head slightly "don't look at me like that" I softly told him, "how do you want me to look at you?" He questioned cocky. I don't answer him. "How are those nightmares of yours?" I asked, diverting the question. He scoffs and turns his head away from my eyes and leans on the table. Clearly his bodylanguage told me he didn't like me diverting the conversation away to a different topic. Even less when that topic was about his nightmares. By his face I could tell he was ashamed of the nightmares and that it scared him awake at night. "Tom" I began, gaining his attention to make him look at me, which he did, "don't be ashamed of being scared. To be afraid is a sign of common sense. The only shame is in letting your fear control you". He thought for a second before nodding, agreeing with my statement. Then finally deciding to talk anyway. "Sometimes it lasts all night. And I lie in my bed, and listen to the shovels and the picks against the bedroom wall" he begins without looking at me, "and I pray the sun will come up the curtains before they break through". He stares at a nearby wall. In trance, almost like he can hear the picks and shovels behind the wall. Breaking away the stones, coming closer and closer. "Sometimes it happens, the sun beats them. But mostly the shovels beat the sun". I sit back listening to him as he explains his fear, untill he finishes. "And you?" Tommy then asking about my nightmares, "do you have nightmares". Now it was my turn to turn to the wall. But unlike Tommy, my mind didn't play a trick of scooping shovels and scrapping picks behind it. My mind just brought back painfull memories. Back to the ugliness, destruction and death that came with combat. And I had a burning hatred for it. Blood, carnage, the grime and the filth. All of it. But I had one fear and that was letting people down. I had it in the war and I still have it now. Thinking about the war, made me think about the people I let down. I sighed and began to explain about some of my men who had been killed due to my decisions. "Before I had multiple branches under me, I had a few people under my command" I quickly explained, "Some of us where resting in the foxholes, while others walked around aimlessly, annoying their fellow brothers" I said with a laugh, being reminded how the men would tease each other and give dumb nicknames. Then my expressiin changed to dread and missery "When a big Zeppelin airship flew over and began dropping bombs and some fighter planes emptying artillety rounds". I stopped for a moment as the memory replays back in my mind. "Fleet called my name, beckoning me to come to take cover with him and another soldier named Quill. Moments before I arrived at that foxhole, it got directly hit by an artillery barrage. Instantly killing the two men. I still shake in my boots when I hear a plane fly over". I take a deep breath and continue, "had another soldier Junior O'Neil, who had lied about his age, he was 16 when he enlisted". Tommy breathes out in sadness as he realize where I was heading, "I had to write a letter to his parents saying how he died as a hero - in reality Junior died bleeding out in a basement from wounds of his own grenade - crying out as friends helplessly looked on". I look at Tommy "I can't stand the sights of basements anymore" I admit as I felt the tears sting in my eyes. I snatch the bottle from the table to take a drink. Tommy hangs his head low. "We are different people now than we where back then" he softly speaks folding his hands together, "isn't that truth" I chuckle softly and aimlessly look at nothing in particular again. A peacefull silence fills the room around us. It wasn't one out of awkwardness. It was comfortable to be quiet with Tommy, as much as it was talking with him. I sighed and rubbed my eyes before admitting that I had to leave. I stand to my feet and I take one last swig from the liqour bottle and force it down my throat. I turn around so I can grab my coat from the coat rack. Behind me, a few metres away back at the table, I heard the creaking of the floorboard underneath Tommy's weight as he stands. It continues when he walks towards me. He stops behind me and I can feel his eyes on me. Burning holes in my back. Undoubtedly giving me a one over. Before taking the next few steps closer. His chest pressed against my back as he held me to my spot by placing his hands on my waist. A welcomed shiver ran over my spine when I felt his lips brush against the back of my neck "you can stay if you want" Tommy offered. Now, I don't know if it was the liqour taking effect on me or the fact Tommy wanted me to stay. But I knew straight away, that I was now unable to make myself walk out that house.

Published: 25th of January 2023

Soldiers mentioned in the chapter are real life soldiers. Who fought in WW2. You can hear their story and that of their comrades by watching the show "Band on Brothers". Its on HBO and (in the Netherlands) on Netflix. Please do note: its is very gruesome as its based on the real Easy Company and the WW2. I changed the names to prevent spoilers for people who want to watch it.

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