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| They don't understand me, I don't understand myself.|
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Therapy never seemed like a good idea until now. Twenty three, two kids, jobless, depressed, traumatized, and questioning the reasons to live, Von found himself sitting in front a therapist.
The box of tissues were placed beside him in case he needed them.
Him, or the therapist, Mrs. Rangel, didn't speak. She patiently waited for him, and he waited to start.
As most therapist wouldn't start off the first session jumping into personal business. This one allowed him to talk about anything he felt he needed to.
She didn't force him. He didn't feel forced.
Von hugged himself, he wanted— no, he needed a hug. A long hug, a place to breathe.
"Today," Von closed his eyes. "Today is my boyfriend's birthday. So far, I've been on good terms with him for 1 birthday out of 6"
He needed to vent.
"I hate faking in front of him, but I want peace in our lives, instead of bringing drama. I try to return the feelings and love that I receive the best way I can, and I easily get embarrassed about my past so I keep it to myself. Ion wanna seem selfish"
Mrs. Rangle hummed, nodding her head to indicate that she was listening.
Von continued at that. "I kinda want everything to be over, and to live a normal life. I wanna forget about my past and move forward. I wanna go the rest of my life without thinking about my weak moments that people judge me on"
"Why do you think wanting something for yourself is selfish? Have you ever noticed, that some nights when you look up in the sky, it's the moon all alone by itself?" Metaphorically speaking.
Von sighed. "If I decide to choose myself, I think it's selfish and I don't know if anyone else thinks the same, but I do."
"But why?"
"Because no matter how much, or how many times I'm assure, it's hard for me to believe, I want to believe so bad" Von stressed.
"Has it always been hard for you to believe?"
"Yea, when I was younger I trusted many people, and it was stupid of me. I always did things 'cause of being scared that people would leave, and It got me in situations ian wanna be in. As a child, I was sexually abused by people, and I thought, moving to Atlanta was a new start for me, and I felt like what I went through was a good thing. Seeing my mom happy felt great. I felt like she loved me."
