January's Door

I stood on an asphalt artery in the city. The heat was almost unbearable. The building loomed over me, and I squinted to lessen the glaring reflection while studying it. A movie quote bubbled to the top of my mind, and I recited aloud:

"My Momma always said, "Life was like a box of chocolates... You never knew what you're gonna get."

The movie was Forrest Gump. Somehow, that quote bugged me. "What if someone doesn't like chocolate? Should we then compare life to another edible?"

I took a long sip from my chocolate milkshake. The icy liquid soothed my throat. It was a blistering day, and the coldness was much appreciated.

I heard the scoff from my left. "Doesn't like something, yet slurps it well enough... What a little hypocrite!"

I bristled at that, yet I didn't want to turn to face my accuser. It was true, even if I didn't want to admit it out loud. I love my chocolate milkshakes, but I hate chocolates. The irony wasn't lost on me.

From my right, I heard the gentle reply. "Life is more complex than that, Sam. People can love one thing yet dislike another. That is not hypocrisy; that is the beauty of life and choice."

"Oh boy, Adri, here we go again with the lectures. The lad clearly is a hypocrite. The fact that you want to defend him is just comedy gold."

Adri is always encouraging and cheering me on. I don't know what I would do without that comforting presence. On the other hand, I desperately wanted less of Sam. The constant criticism aggravated my depression. It's like each time I cheered up, Sam knew how to throw a double-edged barb at the right time to deflate me.

Life and choice...

Adri mentions it often. We are not only what we think, but also what we do.

"Choose life rather than death."

Sam would invariably argue that we are hard-wired to self-destruct.

"You cry about choice, Adri? Just look at the state of the world! It is a glorious goddamn mess."

Before the arguments between the two could flare up further, I chimed in.

"So, we're in January, guys! New month, new year, new beginnings, right!? Where one door closes, another opens. Did you know that they named it after the Roman god Janus?"

I switched my milkshake to my left hand, and I fished for my smartphone. I Googled the wiki page for Janus.

"See, here it states: Janus is 'the god of beginnings, gates, transitions, time, duality, doorways, passages, frames, and endings. He is usually depicted as having two faces.'"

Sam started cracking up. "Old Janus? I met him; he's a dick! Didn't know whether he was coming or going. Always in two minds!" The laughter subsided eventually.

I scowled; I found it interesting.

"You could learn something from Janus, Sam." Adri noted.

"Oh, like what? Look both ways at once before crossing a busy road?"

"No, rather that change is inevitable."

"Guys... Please, we are here for a reason. Shall we get on with it?"

"Fine. Kiddo here will either chicken out or flake out, like usual. The loser!"

"Go on, you can do this. Nothing will change unless you take that first step. Don't lose heart; we've been over this. Choose life."

I threw the empty milkshake into the trashcan, wiped my hands, and looked at the building again. I swallowed the lump in my throat. Then I sighed, steeling myself.

"Well, let us go."

I pushed open the door and entered alone. Ready to be admitted to the insane asylum.

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Sam is short for Samael.

Adri is short for Adriel or Advachiel.
In the Abrahamic religions, it is a Guardian Angel, or Archangel.
Meaning: My help is God, of God's flock. The angel of Sagittarius.