Nuptials

Chapter 9

Friday 14th October 2016.

Amelia stared at herself in the mirror, trying not to freak out. She could barely hear the people around her speaking, she was terrified.

"You look so pretty," Maggie gushed as she adjusted the crown of flowers around Amelia's head. Her hair was out and down, almost touching the center of her upper back, and the dress flowed below her, hugging every curve and crest of her body. They had yet to attach the train, and Maggie was already trying to hold back tears.

"Ryan and I never had a wedding," the Shepherd murmured as she stared numbly at herself. She'd never bought a dress, or had bridesmaids, or walked down an aisle in front of all the people she held near and dear to her. She'd never written any vows, put on rings, kissed in front of everyone, danced in front of them. She'd never done any of these things, and now she was about to, and to top it all off, neither her dad, nor Derek, was here. Derek wasn't here.

"At least I can actually be the maid of honor for this one," Addison teased Amelia, nudging her shoulder as she looked at her in the mirror. Amelia braved a small, fake smile, as she continued to stare at herself. Derek wasn't here.

Meredith watched from the corner of the room, being the only person to notice and identify the look on Amelia's face. She hoped it was wedding jitters, but she knew that look. "You okay over there, Amelia?" she asked, pulling her out of her trance for a moment. Derek wasn't here.

"I think so," Amelia replied, mostly lying. The longer she stood in the dress, the smaller she felt, and the more wrong everything else felt. This was not how she was supposed to feel, this was not how it was supposed to happen. This was wrong. Derek wasn't here. "Maggie, please don't cry."

"I'm sorry!" she apologized to Amelia, "You just look so pretty, and I've never been a bridesmaid. I'm excited!" Well, at least someone was excited. She was mortified, she felt like an imposter.

"Don't make her cry!" Addison chuckled, taking Maggie's hand, "Let's go wait outside with the other bridesmaids." She looked in Meredith's direction, quirking an eyebrow. "Coming?"

"In a minute," Meredith answered, still eyeing Amelia, who was frozen staring at herself in the mirror. Addison looked confused for a second, but it was then she looked at Amelia and truly saw what had Meredith so deep in thought. She looked back at the general surgeon and Meredith nodded at her to leave, so she did. Once they were all gone, Meredith walked closer to Amelia, and the two looked at her in the mirror.

"Are you okay, Amelia?" she asked.

"I can't do this," the neurosurgeon almost instantly replied, her voice cracking, and Meredith's heart ached as she heard the pain in her voice.

"Is it because Derek isn't here?" she sought to confirm, but Amelia ignored her question.

"This isn't right," she said, more to herself than the woman beside her. Meredith wasn't sure how to respond, she didn't want to give the youngest Shepherd any ideas. Everything was wrong. She was doing everything wrong.

"Marrying Owen?" Meredith tried to confirm, but she was interrupted by her monologue.

"I feel like I'm in a movie that's rushed because there was a low budget," she muttered, "Owen...I told myself I would stop rushing, making rash decisions, turning lives upside down..." Her eyes moved from looking at herself to Meredith's eyes. "I thought that we would be together for longer before getting married, that we would only have kids once we got married. I thought that Derek would be here to walk me down the aisle. I thought..." She looked at herself again. "This is wrong."

"Amelia, no one is forcing you to get married today."

"Owen would be heartbroken."

"What do you want?" Meredith asked as she moved her eyes from the mirror to look at Amelia. Amelia looked back at her, and she could see the fear in the young Shepherd's eyes as she weighed her decisions.