Jake Peralta - B99

Ep.4 - M.E. Time

At Scarlett's Date

SCARLETT: I'm so glad we could finally do this.

DATE: I know, Kylie says you're always stuck at the precinct.

SCARLETT: Yeah. [Phone rings] Speaking of, this is work. Sorry. What's up, Peralta?

JAKE: Captain called. He needs everybody back. There's a lead on the nightingale strangler. We're looking for a white male, 5'10", medium build, brown hair, small scar on his right cheek.

SCARLETT: Okay.

JAKE: His M.O. is he finds lonely women with no friends, poisons their food, and then guts 'em in his van. It's pretty gnarly. Last seen wearing a salmon pink shirt, grey blazer, and witnesses have said he has trouble fitting lettuce in his mouth.

SCARLETT: Okay. Where are you, you shithead?!

JAKE: Apparently has the world's smallest penis and doesn't know how to use it... Hi, there, I'm Jake Peralta, Scarlett's boss. That's not true.

SCARLETT: What are you doing here?

JAKE: I'm here on a date. Who is now leaving. Worth it. Have a great night.

DATE: Your boss seems really nice.

SCARLETT: He's NOT my bloody boss, for fuck's sake!

Jake: Uh, yes, I am!

BRIEFING room

JAKE: And with a record five felonies solved in one week, Peralta pulls ahead. Did you guys hear that I solved five felonies in a week?

SCARLETT: We heard.

JAKE: Really? How?

flashback

JAKE: Five felonies in one week! Light 'em up, Boyle.

[Cheers and applause]

The sodas begin to irrupt hitting the ceiling standing them.

Jake: That's the sweet taste of triumph.

flashback ends

Rosa: You should shower more.

Jake: Yep.

Terry: Updates on open cases.

Charles: I just got a DOA on Bessimer street.

Terry: You're the primary, you're in charge. Take Daniels and Peralta.

Boyle: Yes. My fantasy threesome ... Of cops on a case.

Scarlett: Boyle, I love you 'n all, but do you ever stop and think about what you say?

Captain Holt: Detectives, our monthly crime statistics are due. I want all paperwork on your closed cases by tomorrow. Scully, you can just write "I didn't close any" on a piece of paper.

Scully: You got it.

Amy: I already got my paperwork in, Captain.

Captain Holt: Then I guess this little reminder isn't for you.

Jake: Wow, looks like he hates you even more than me.

Amy: No, he doesn't. We have a good relationship. We're on the same page.

Holt: Something to share with the rest of us, Santiago?

Amy: No, sir, I wasn't... Peralta was the one that was talking. God, you must have been the worst fourth grader ever.

Holt: Joke's on you. I skipped fourth grade.

Holt: Santiago, anything else?

Santiago: No.