Troubled Stars - Layne Staley/Jerry Cantrell

24

Tears ran down Jerry's face while he scrabbled through Layne's stash box, collecting all the silver foils that contained heroin. His emotions were all over the place. He wanted to bawl and cry, but at the same time he wanted to scream at the top of his lungs.

Jerry counted the foils and it added up to fourteen. That's fourteen times that could've ended up being a god damn overdose. He wasted no time pouring out the white powder into the toilet, making sure there was none left whatsoever. Jerry threw away the rest of the box's contents in the garbage, like a burnt spoon, multiple needles and anything else that was left.

Once Jerry was done, he took the box along and left the bathroom with a sigh. He entered his own room and kneeled down by his bed, pushing the box with force so it could reach the wall on the other side. He wasn't just gonna give the box back to Layne, so he might as well just hide it for now and throw it out sometime later.

The pack of cigarettes on Jerry's bedside table were basically calling his name, so he swiped them up and the lighter next to them quickly. He left his room and took a glance back at Layne's, whose door was shut. Yes, Jerry felt horrible for his actions, but his boyfriend had lied about being clean for the last few weeks and it hurt like a bitch.

Jerry didn't want to lose Layne, ever. If he did, he wouldn't know how to live with it. His best friend, frontman of their band and his boyfriend would be gone, and Jerry wasn't gonna let that happen.

Jerry exited his room and was met with Sean and Mike, both standing outside of Sean's door.

"I'm scared to know what just happened." Sean spoke lowly, Mike nodding in agreement.

"You should be." Jerry responded blankly, then walked past the two of them to go downstairs.

"Mind talking about it?" Sean asked nervously.

"Might as well. You guys gotta know anyway." Jerry shrugged while he reached the bottom floor, hearing footsteps trailing behind him.

Jerry took a seat on the couch while Mike and Sean did too. There was worry on both the drummer and the bassists face, their minds running about what could've just happened.

They sat in a weirdly thick silence, before Jerry took a deep breath and spoke up.

"Layne's been shooting up again." Jerry looked up and seen the expressions on each of his bandmates faces drop like they had seen a ghost.

"No. Man, are you fucking serious?" Mike almost couldn't believe it at first. Sean buried his face in his hands for a moment before looking back up, speechless.

"Mhm." Jerry hummed in response. He took a cigarette from his pack and lit it up quickly, taking a long drag.

"I can't fucking believe it. That? Is fucked." Sean managed to say. Everyone was in deep disappointment with themselves and Layne, the three of them thinking about how they never caught on.

"I don't even know what to say about it. I- fuck. I'm feeling everything at once. I don't know if I should cry or be mad, or just fucking scream." Jerry told them.

"My boyfriend, who I've been waking up and falling asleep next to every morning and night, the sweetest thing I've ever fucking met has lied to me, for like the last month. I don't know who to be more disappointed in, Layne or myself. I just can't believe I never caught on." Jerry explained.

"Jerry, it's not your fault." Mike reassured him.

"I know, I know. I can't help it but blame it on myself though. I'm his boyfriend. I was always there and I never caught on." Jerry admitted.

"And the thing is, I noticed something was off about him. He's been wearing nothing else but long sleeves, his mood has been better but at the same time it hasn't, and he's been more drowsy. I have the right to blame this on myself." Jerry convinced himself. Both Sean and Mike shook their heads.

"It's not your fault and it's not our fault. It's no one's fault but Layne's. He's the one who made the decision to start shooting up again." Sean explained.

"I don't know what I'm gonna do." Jerry shrugged his shoulders, leaning back on the couch.

"What do you mean? Are you gonna break up with him?" Sean asked curiously.

"Fuck, I don't know. I really fucking love him, man and I don't wanna leave him. I'll just need some time to think." Jerry told them as he stood up.

"We'll be here if you need to talk, okay? Don't forget that." Sean reassured his bandmate.

"I know, I know. Love you, guys." Jerry replied and trailed off upstairs.

"Love you, man." Both Mike and Sean responded. Jerry was now out of sight, his door heard shutting quietly.