The Legend of the Mountain Village

第三章

12 moons never felt so long.

My routine changed drastically from day one. I was kept in a cold, dark, empty earthen room dug out of the ground near the pond, no larger than five paces to either side. The only thing within my temporary home was an irori fireplace that led to the ground above. Aside from this and the fur I'd been given at the ceremony, I had nothing. I was not to speak at all, to soften my voice. I was not to move except within this room, to slim my figure. I was not to see the sun, to lighten my skin. Aside from Chinna and the assistant, none were to speak to me, touch me, nor look at me, as these were now only for my new Master. The only sounds were the crackling of the fire and the constant trickle of the waterfall. For the first several moons, I had become incredibly anxious with the lack of blade practice, my body itching to fight. So strange, not to hear the clang of metal, the crack of the bamboo whip, the playing of children, the quiet tones of my mother's singing, the clear laughter of my future wife. To hear nothing other than the forest sounds, the occasional movement of the mage, that wretched waterfall. My mind too had wrestled with the ceaseless darkness, the long hours staring at the walls, running rampant with unspent energy. I felt many things. I struggled with the immense confusion and betrayal deep within me. How could my god have let this happen to me? I had wanted to honor him with my life as a loyal defender of the village, as a strong and knowledgeable man who sired children in his name. Now I am to take the place of a woman. A place that is not mine, shoes that I cannot fill, a disgrace and a dishonor to me and to the woman who should have been chosen in my stead. My next biggest fear was for the safety of my village- how could I serve the Master the way he wanted? How could I satisfy him? The weight to please him in order to preserve our presence on his mountain weighed heavily on my shoulders and frightened me to my core.

All the time spent in silence was not only filled with nervous pacing and seiza sitting for days on end. It also allowed for many theories of the conception of my predicament. I wracked my brain for anyone who would have entered my name in the ceremony. I have no enemies. Our village is very close, tight-knit, and loyal to each other. We have almost no contact with the outside world aside from the once a year that several villagers go down the mountainside to trade, and certainly no outsiders have ever been to the village. My name is unique, unowned by anyone else. There could have been no mistake. Why would someone submit my name? I had quarreled with no one. I could not imagine any person desiring revenge upon me. The anger became desperation, then sorrow, then confusion, then circling round all over again.

But then, towards perhaps the 6th moon, I forced myself to push it down, remembering that my life was his to command even before the festival. Perhaps this is truly right. Either way, this is now a responsibility I must bear. I should not linger on what cannot now be changed. Not only will no good come of it, but it will hinder me from preparing for my position. I must accept this as my new reality.

The first of every moon, Chinna and her assistant would open the hatch and take me to the pool, where they would bathe me in the freezing water with many soaps and herbs. They smoothed my skin, softened my callouses, erased the growth of my body hair, lightened the color of my scars. My hair gradually became shiny and silky. My muscles had dwindled to near nothing. I felt totally defeated, seeing the years of hard work disappearing in just a few moons. Apathy settled upon me like a wet fur blanket, perhaps to prevent me from an attempt at seppuku due to the raging emotions. Although even if I had decided to commit suicide, I had no weapon with which to do so. My sword was taken off me along with all my clothes after the ceremony. Instead I now wore a simple white kimono at all times, with bare feet in order to better connect with the mountain god.

Sometimes I could not even determine the time of day. I wondered what Kankatsu was doing. Wondered who he wrestled with in my stead. Missed the carefree nights after training spent playing and relaxing, or our long excursions through the forest during which we did not have to speak to enjoy the company of the other. I could not even begin to imagine what my father spent his time doing now that he had no heir to train. My mother must be bearing this weight silently, but it must be eating her alive. I know she was incredibly excited to have another woman in the family with her, and to eventually have grandchildren. I sighed through my nose as the thoughts wandered to Ema. Even though this position was supposedly an honor for me, it must have been an embarrassment to her. An engaged woman was never dishonoured by her fiance leaving her. The only thing that might break an engagement is his untimely death. I never wanted to disrepect her or mar her honor. Not only had my life been completely upended, but so had hers. It had been set in stone, and now she has no certainty about her future.