Short Stories

Break Free

TW: Mentions of suicide and domestic abuse

You have to look at it from my perspective. My day is just like anyone else's. I get up, go to work, come home and sleep. Obviously, with the other everyday activities that include meals at 7am, 12pm and 6:30pm, working out at 4pm, saying hello to Mrs. Klingenstein at 5:30pm, showering at 8pm and chores when I have the time. I lived off of my routine. For some people, it makes them feel superior. In control of their life. For others, it drives them mad. Like a bird locked in a cage, ready to fly far, far away from everything and everyone they know. Everyone gets to their breaking point at least once it seems. For me, I just didn't care. I did it because I had to. It bored me, but it worked and it worked because I fit in just slightly more than I would if I was a free-spirited person, doing what it is that might please me. But staying low and out of sight is needed. Blending in is needed. But one could say I became a free bird today. I broke my routine.

I set out at 4pm for a walk. I noticed the pine needles left on the ground from the fir trees that are diseased and shedding. There are birds flying around, the same ones I see every day. Kinda brown-ish, gray and black. The air is chilled and the sky is clouded. A small drizzle penetrates the smog that covers the city like a thick blanket. I forgot an umbrella at her house last night when I broke my routine. I think to myself, "I know the way things are supposed to go. I know how I am supposed to act. I spent so long trying to blend in, hiding who I am to fit the mold. But I guess I am just liquid.". I laughed to myself. I have been the only one to make me laugh. Truly laugh. Anyway, the rain won't bother me for my walk, I have my "water-resistant" coat and a top hat. Even if I didn't, the rain won't bother me for long.

I walk down this path. This was honestly very unplanned because I have no clue where I am going. I see some benches and there are a few trees as I continue on, but the city still buzzes in the distance. I have read about who I am. What I could become. I feel indifferent about it, but all I know is people are not fond of them. I broke out of my cage last night.

I'm not sure if I reached my final destination, but I reached a destination. The breeze picked up and the rain is steady now. My face and hands are drenched as I reach for the railing. It wasn't about the boring routine my life had. I had it good in perspective, but I saw what was coming. As I stepped over the railing, onto the ledge, I thought about her face, and then her child's face. I didn't think twice about it, my actions I mean. And honestly the more I do think, what were my true intentions with her? I had no feelings towards her. Just another way to blend into the crowd. I came to the conclusion that she was an experiment. Could I truly feel something? Like somebody? Love somebody? Hurt... somebody? I stepped off that ledge and in the time of my fall, I had enough time to reflect. 

I could recognize the fear in her eyes before I swung. I hit her so hard across the face. I mean full force, blood on the carpet and maybe even a cracked tooth. My hand was sore, but I didn't feel a thing. She didn't deserve it and she was kind to me. We had a nice night together and an amicable relationship overall so I think when she woke up and had time to process, she was genuinely blindsided by it. I locked eyes with her daughter before I walked out. Her mother was unconscious on the ground and I just left. Don't worry, I don't have any pets, friends, family or even many personal possessions. Nothing to take care of and no one who will have to clean up after me. So I guess my conclusion is that I couldn't feel anything. Like somebody, love somebody, but I could hurt somebody. Most importantly of it all, going on this walk was the right thing to do.