Burdened Love - A Peaky Blinders Story

15

It had been a couple days of living in Tommy's house. I had started feeling extremely depressed about it. Most of the time I stayed in my room writing, reading, or practicing guitar. I avoided Tommy when he was here, which was rare because he was always gone.
I woke up late like usual it was probably lunch time now. I heard commotion outside my window and looked out where I saw Tommy and his son with the horses. He was smiling and he actually looked happy. It was weird and almost unsettling. He noticed me watching them and looked up at me through the window. I quickly backed up and sat back on the bed where he couldn't see me.
I slowly got dressed in a black simple linen dress. I put my hair in a pink bow hoping it would bring me some joy. I didn't bother with my face but I did splash some water on it. I had stolen a bottle of gin from Tommy's collection last night to have some fun, but it really turned in to me crying in to my journal. Pathetic.
I don't know why I was so sad. I think it had a lot to do with feeling like a prisoner, I was so used to being independent and I felt like a meek little house wife that I always despised growing up. I also hated thinking about it, but it was hard for me to be around Tommy. For one reason, I was afraid of being compared to his wife and him being disappointed that I wasn't as amazing. And second, I didn't want to risk actually having feelings for him. How silly of me would it be to actually have feelings for a man like him?
I heard a knock on my door.
"Come in" I say plainly.
It was Tommy, which surprised me, normally it was one of the maids.
"I have today off. Would you like to go riding with me?" He asked.
I snort "I don't know how to do that" I said.
"It's not hard and the horses are very well trained" he said.
I look at him unamused at the idea.
"Come on Millie you've been holing yourself in this room for days, and don't think I hadn't noticed bottle of liquor have gone missing" he said with a smirk.
"Oh I uh I'm sorry" I said awkwardly my cheeks felt hot.
"It's alright I don't care at all" he said still with a smile.
"Okay I'll go." I said reluctantly.
"Great. We will go after lunch" he says walking away from the door frame down the hall.
My stomach rumbles and I follow him down the hall to the dining room where sandwiches and fruit were sitting on the table. I filled my plate and sat down quietly. Charlie sat in his high chair across for me and Tommy sat at the end of the table.
I begin eating and realize how hungry I was after skipping a few meals the past couple days.
"You know you don't have to starve yourself out up there" he said watching me eat my sandwich.
"I'm not" I said still focused on my plate.
"You are" he said.
"I don't want to intrude" I said quietly.
"I would like to at least have some company and you haven't even touched the piano" he said.
I rolled my eyes "you don't want me here" I said.
"Why would you say that?" He said.
"Never mind" I said no longer having an appetite sitting back in my chair.
He sighs and looks at me in a caring way "I know this is hard for you but we can at least try to enjoy it."
I nod "yeah you're right".

Afterwards at the horse stables, I watched as Tommy saddled up the horse I was about to ride. Honestly, I was nervous. I had only rode horses a couple times , but growing up in London I didn't really need to learn.
"Don't be nervous. This here is my best horse." He said smiling patting the horses back.
"Alright come here I'll help you up" he said extending his hand to me.
"Okay I'm nervous. Are you sure nothing will happen?" I said.
He smiled obviously trying to hold back a laugh, "nothing will happen, it will be fun come on" he said holding his hand out again. I took his hand and he taught me how to get on the horse. I used his hand for stabilization and his other hand held on to my waist as I got on.
"There you go." He said smiling up at me. "Just hold on to the reins and then pull back if you want him to slow down. Turn it right and left to turn and then kick the horses side if you want to go faster" he said quickly running through the instructions.
"Kick it?" I asked .
"It doesn't hurt them" he said laughing while he got on his horse. A black beautiful horse.
And then were off trotting behind him I started to calm down and realize it wasn't that bad.
He slowed down and came to my side.
"How do you feel?" He asked.
"I feel like a proper country girl" I said laughing.
"You look good on horseback" he said smiling.
"I look good anywhere." I said confidentially.
"Can't argue with that" he said shrugging.
I clear my throat "I know you probably can't say much but is there anything you can tell me about the Russian business?"
"I have a plan. Actually, tomorrow your brother and my brothers will be here for lunch to discuss it. I want you to be there and of course we will need to act more...in love" he said.
"Do your brothers think this is real?" I asked.
"Yes they do. The only person who knows the whole situation is my Aunt Polly. She well you can't hide things from her"
We began riding along the tree line now far away from the house.
"How do you feel about all of this?" I asked genuinely.
"I think it was what we had to do. I also hope that I can make this less miserable for you and I promise it won't be forever" he said looking at me and my stomach twists.
"You're complicated, you know that?" I said smiling.
"I know that yes" he said smiling back.
We rode back to the stables slowly not saying much but enjoying the company. We got back to the stables and then went our separate ways that afternoon. However, I did feel better.