999 Days

Track 1. D97C999

The sky was blue that day.

Nobody died. Nobody I knew, at least. There were no riots, no pressing issues, and no traffic on the way to school, no struggle over buying food at the cafeteria, and absolutely no reasons to be sad.

My Jungkook disappeared that day. I didn't think that wasn't a reason to be sad.

I didn't know where he went, or if he would come back, but I didn't cry. I still don't know why.

I remember being confused on the 1st day. And I remember hoping. I'm still hoping.

x

The sky is blue again today. When skies are blue, mothers tell their children happy stories. Wishes make for happy stories, right? My mother once told me of one thousand paper cranes that flew to the heavens while carrying a single wish. She said that their sole purpose was to stick together and carry that wish to the one who could grant it. I took that to mean that 999 wasn't as together as 1000, and that paper cranes that didn't fly meant that no wish could be carried anywhere.

His disappearance finally became a reason to be sad, but I still haven't cried. Seokjin says it's because I've found a substitute for crying. He calls what I create "paper tears". He did so every time when he used to go to the Min family's shop to buy me origami paper, and he does so every time he goes to retrieve my "gifts" from the mail office.

'Hey, J. Namjoon and I are going to the cafeteria. I'm buying you mashed potatoes, so you'll be forced to take a break from crying paper when we get back. Do you want anything else?' Seokjin asks softly. He's always been nice to everybody, but he's been treating me as if I were the most fragile person he knew.

I know for a fact that I've been giving him, and all our friends, a reason to think so. My friends, with the exception of Seokjin, pride themselves on being called bad boys. Yet they've been nothing but kind and sweet for 97 days.

I smile at the thought, and as I fold up another paper crane, I look up at them and say, 'What else do I need when I have you guys to care for me? Stay safe on the way.'

Namjoon gives me a look that says "I can think of a certain someone", and Seokjin goes to elbow him, but he just says, 'Understood, madam. We love you.'

x

On the 30th day since I started making 999 paper cranes in 24 hours, I received a month's worth of origami paper. The box it was in had neither a return address nor a proper explanation. Instead, it had a demand.

"Just cry. I'll give you the rain so your tears won't tire you."

It confused everyone but Seokjin. He just laughed, murmured "That brat", and helped me carry the box to my room. When we got back to the common room, I said, 'He is a brat, isn't he?'

On the 60th day, a second package came. The order this time said,

"Trust me."

That was the day Seokjin confessed that he knew everything from where Jungkook was to when he was coming back, that he had gotten permission to tell everyone else, and that all of them had been sworn not to tell me anything, even to answer my question as to whether the 'when' was 'never'.

That was also the day I started saying "I love you" to all of them. Seokjin, Namjoon, and Hoseok immediately said "I love you, too", but the other three started panicking and wouldn't leave me alone for the rest of the day.

'Ji, I swear I'm not suicidal,' was what I had to say five times throughout the day before Jimin stopped crying.

I had to promise Taehyung that I would go with him every weekend to see a movie until Jungkook came back as an insurance that I wouldn't disappear, too.

Yoongi rambled on about how everyone loved me and that I was everyone's little sister and mother all at once and said something about how the rain was useless without flowers to water until I stopped him to say "I'm only telling you I love you because I realized I shouldn't waste the chance."

And it was true. I loved them because they were them and they were there for me.

I loved them and I told them so because I could - because they were still there.

And I loved him because he was him. I loved him and I couldn't tell him because he wasn't there.

So I told them I loved them, and asked them to tell him for me because I couldn't.

And they understood.

Seven days later, when the sky was painfully blue, they started saying "I love you" on their own, and I like to think that sometimes, they're saying it for him, too.

On the 90th day, when the third box arrived, they asked if they could help me cry. And I said yes.

x

Seokjin and Namjoon came back with mashed potatoes, iced tea, and four tagalongs.

'I suppose you're here to cry for me while I eat my potatoes?'

And I was right. Six identical grins greeted me as Namjoon practically shoved my food into my lap.

I told them I was at 880 cranes and that in an hour I would force them to return to their own dorms. They shrugged off the threat, proceeding to fold my paper tears as meticulously as they could and writing my code on the folded wings.

At 11:03 I convinced them to stop, and Jimin finished folding his last piece, writing D97C995.

'We'll leave the last five up to you, J. Good night,' said Yoongi, smiling sadly at me. And as they said good night, I could feel them all correcting it in their minds. "We'll leave you to fold the last four."

You need 1000 cranes to grant a wish, not 999. I never let my paper tears carry the wish together, and I never let them fly. They will stay caged in a glass jar as 999 tears forever.

It would take a day to make a thousand cranes; it would take less than 24 hours for me to build up hope - to put all my prayers in my paper cranes and wish for you to come back.

It would take just one day to get to 1000. I could easily do it and make my wish. I know this. They all know this. That's why tonight, just like every night before, they hide in the hall as I fold the 999th crane. They tell each other that they know what to expect, but I know that still they hope that I continue after I write D97C999 on the last paper tear.

On the 97th day, each of us hoped that I would pick up and fold the 1000th piece of origami paper and fold it into just one more crane.

x

It's been 97 days since I started; it's the 23rd hour of the 97th day. Today, I'll stop at 999 cranes, just like I always do. And when tomorrow comes, I'll start all over again.

I'll fold up the first paper crane; I'll cry the first paper tear of the first waking moment of the 98th day. On its paper wing, I'll write D98C001.

Day 98, Crane number 1.

x

June 25, 2015