White Walls

My body aches like hell. The feeling of pure drainage runs me down through my veins and out my toes. This goes beyond the scratches and bruises on my arms. There is far more to this story I feel. There must be...

I stare over at this white brick structure. On the far side of it lie the things I simply do not know. I have been isolated for so long now that it feels this wall is beginning to close in. But anyways... How did I get here again? Where am I? These are the questions I'm always asking myself during my lonely hours. So every hour.

I now find myself walking around this crushed-stone surface. Staring down at my feet as I drag them across the ground. Head hung low. This is yours truly at his most standoffish. This mental prison couldn't stop me from doing my laps at least. Looking down at my shoes upon the blacktop, I hear the chaotic bouncing of those large rubber balls. The annoying sound begins echoing in my mind as always. My fellow "Residents," as they call us, were having their daily full-court game. I hear another swish as I turn the corner.

I observe the fools as they run up and down the blacktop. Relentlessly and repeatedly. The game did always seem fun to me. But only fun if you were completely oblivious to the concept of having no freedom. Do they ever wonder about the same things I do? Or ever stop to question what is going on? Like what is outside these walls? How come we eat and sleep on an assigned schedule? We are all grown men after all. Lord I live in a space surrounded by sheeple and fake women. Who's only thing to offer is their mere attractiveness.

I turn to my right to spot those two lovely young women in their obnoxiously bright white scrubs. White as white can be. They sit along the bench watching me and the others go about our day. Fake smiling and shit. They are cute though. Say I wonder how hard it would be to pull one of them. I haven't had good sex in years. Wait... have I had sex ever? I don't even remember anymore. Besides, I doubt a "Nurse," would even waste their time with a "Resident." Gosh this place is killing me to my core.

The young blonde gal on the left claps her hands and issues for us to come inside. It appears as though our recess is over boys. I start to round my last lap, letting the others go in before me. I know what's coming. It is my least favorite part. It is the most psychologically fucked up part in my opinion. Just wait... it gets good.

The others form a single file line behind the back door of the white-plastered building. Most of us have probably never even seen the front door since arriving here. I stand in the very back behind Tommy Dilfer. Big fella with crooked glasses and balding black hair. He was about as friendly as a chipmunk but about as dumb as the asphalt we stand on. I stare up at the sky. Gray white emptiness per usual. Are we in a purgatory? I have probably asked that one about a million times now.

As the line grows shorter, so does my time being outside that hell hole. Though the funny thing is, the most freedom we ever get is this outdoor hour. And now it's over. Perhaps I have always taken this time for granted? Maybe. But I'll never admit to that. I arrive inside and approach the front desk. This is where we receive our "Medicine." They are sleeping pills. I look up at the clock to my right. It reads six on the dot. This means it was time for bed! Whoopie! The young lady at the front desk watches as I approach her. A single tile of glass separates us from one another. "Jacob" she says aloud as she hands me the white-coded pill. "How are you doing today?" She asks while stare at the pill in my palm, completely blank faced. "Good," is all I say.

Marching forwards once more I place the pill in my mouth. I have to. If you don't do it the nurses will keep you there and not let you go until you take it. And if you continue to refuse, they take you into this room in the back where god knows what happens. Like I said, psychologically fucked up ain't it? Though this time I will hold off. I maneuver my tongue and place the pill between my gum and my cheek. These idiots will never know. I am a master of trickery. I am a true magician. The messiah of my own troubled mind.