The Only One | Negan

11. Dangerous

After our last conversation and what almost happened, I tried to stay as far away as I could from Negan. It seemed like he was purposefully avoiding me too, us only seeing each other during the weekly meetings and nowhere else. Even during these encounters, he almost never looked at me, omitting the nicknames he usually gave me and only addressed me by my family name. It was strange, maybe because I was used to his playful and flirtatious demeanor around me, but honestly I was also glad, because that way I could kill off whatever weird feelings were growing inside of me like wild poppies in summer. Just...starve this sin. Kill it. I didn't even want to accept that something in the way I felt about him was changing and I rather preferred to just stay away. He was gone during most of the days anyways so even if I was to wander somewhere in the big building, I wouldn't see him at all.

But the big surprise came completely unannounced when one rainy morning Christian let it slip that Negan let all of his wives go. He released them without an explanation and no one dared seek one because of his jumpy and violent behavior. The girls were very happy about all of this, mainly because some of their privileges still stood, like getting lifesaving meds without points for example. Amber almost immediately moved in with her boyfriend, Frankie could freely flirt with every other man and Tanya could finally get her hands dirty in the gardens, which she liked. There was some talk amongst the people but nobody really questioned his actions, afraid that if it reached him they would be done for. Just as they never questioned him having a couple of wives. What a character.

I found myself overthinking the whole ordeal and what were his reasons behind doing this. I wondered if I and that night had anything to do with it, but quickly pushed this thought aside. He always did things for a reason, but it was foolish of me to think that I was said reason.

Then, a few days later, he went personally to Sherry to tell her that he gives her permission to move to the Kingdom for the time being, since he could see she was really depressed and miserable in the Sanctuary. This came as a huge surprise and shock for both me and her, because he never really did stuff like that or was that generous. But she was happy, so I was happy for her, too. We used our weekly visit to the Kingdom to escort her there and Ezekiel accepted her without asking too many questions. Maybe Negan wasn't such a monster after all. I couldn't tell.

Simon finally managed to force me to go with him to the Hilltop and this time I didn't have an excuse to stay behind. I really wanted to avoid this at all costs because I knew Maggie wouldn't be very content with seeing me with the Saviors. I noticed the venomous looks she shot at me and decided that I would just ignore her, it was the best option. I knew talking was futile and I knew she had all the rights to be mad at me. Me and her were never really on the same page, since the day we stepped foot in her father's farm, and we did argue about a lot of things when we traveled with the group before settling down in Alexandria. But after what happened with Glenn, I truly felt bad for her. I couldn't blame her at all for being mad at me, because, after all, I was now working for the man who killed her husband. I would want to strangle her too if that was me. But I also wanted her to understand why exactly I had to do what I did. She was a leader too and she was aware of the sacrifices we had to make for the sake of the common good. This was my sacrifice. I hated working directly for Negan too. The people he and his men killed were my friends too. Glenn was my friend too.

When we left I told Simon I didn't want to come on these visits and offered to take up the Kingdom completely instead. He agreed without asking too many questions and I was glad he didn't.

When we returned to the Sanctuary I had to go check up on the documentation of the guns we took a week and half ago. It was boring stuff, but I had to do it, since Simon left for a run and us two were mainly most competent to do this. Negan insisted everything we get to be listed and checked off, so that way stealing is prevented and we all had a clear idea of what we have and how much. It was understandable and although I wanted to go and sit on a sunny bench, rather than do that, I jogged up the stairs to the back of the building where we kept the unaccounted items. I was sporting some black high top converse, which made my steps much more quieter than my usual combat boots. This came in handy when before turning the corner I heard muffled shuffling inside the weaponry room.