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i miss you.
we only text and never talk and nevertheless i miss you.

how often i've become weak. this time i promised myself I wouldn't ask you first how you were doing. and often i haven't made it. i couldn't stand it and clung to you, but texted you again. how often i wished you would text me.

because if you cared about me, you would text me. right?

when was the last time i heard you say »i love you«? I checked. november 6th, three months ago.
how often i wanted to tell you that i love you, that you are important to me and that i need you because you keep me alive. and i never had the courage.

would it have changed anything if i had told you that more often? no, probably not.

because if you cared about me, you would have told me that you love me. right?

do you remember the first friday of the summer break? that was the last time we met. we watched a series together. we spent two hours trying to get over the ending. we laughed and cried even more.

i went home and was happy. a lot has changed since then.
the last time we planned to meet, you canceled the day before. you never suggested that we could meet another time.

if you cared about me, you would want to spend time with me. right?

if, if, if ... if you cared about me, our 'friendship' wouldn't be based on one-sidedness. then i wouldn't be desperately trying to save our friendship.

i miss you.
and i'm losing you.
it hurts.