"All i've ever wanted is a quite life that i can enjoy, with someone who makes my heart heavy with joy and safety" says Athena.
After she gets diagnosed with glioblastoma, she decides to live her life the way she wanted, slowly accepting her fate of...
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' how do you let go of what you've been yearning for?'
The air tonight seems different, there's something about it.
It has a very light scent to it, like it's one of those pretty calm nights where nothing could ever go wrong,
i sit in my chair in the balcony, looking over all the people walking and talking and some sitting, there's a couple feeding each other, i'd like to think that they have been together for a long time and their love never faded away; my eyes glance at an old man talking on his phone, he seems to be on a video call but he looks like he might be struggling with that; i let out a laugh at that thought.
I like to observe people and make little stories about them, something that could be completely wrong or maybe a bit close to their truths.
I once asked someone very dear to my heart, when do you know when to let go? Of something or someone?
And they said "you let go when your heart feels heavier than your body".
That sentence stuck to me for the longest time.
I've always wondered what they meant by that, how can your heart, a part of your body feel heavier than your whole self?
I wish i can remember who told me that, i can't seem to do that no matter how much i try, well the thing is i have been diagnosed with glioblastoma so i can't always remember who told me what and i can't remember if I've ever had that feeling.
Of heaviness.
although, it feels quite familiar to me for some reason but i can't really put my finger on it.
I don't think I've really let go of anything in my life, or did i? Who knows?
Should i ask someone who've known me for a long time? But how can another know you better than yourself?
Does my forgetfulness have to do with my illness? i always wonder about that, i feel like a lot of parts in my life are missing.
Sometimes, and most of the time, i feel like i don't really know who i am, what am i capable of, how much love i can give, what do i want out of this life, do i still have the right to have a dream? Or would it be a waste of time and hope?
Do i still have time to figure it all out?
"Athena".
A voice suddenly cuts through my thoughts, "mom" i turn around and face her.
"You're back" i say and she gives me a little smile, a different one, it's the only thing i've seen on her face lately.
